Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Horror 101: Phantasm 1-4!

Just like the title suggest, it's Horror 101 time! The Tall Man can never be stopped, and those damn midget corpses are all over the place! So what should you watch tonight?

May I suggest Phantasm I - IV?

A quick synopsis of each one:

Phantasm 1: Reggie the Ice Cream Man makes Reggie's Shotgun. 1970's horror never looked so good. First sighting of The Tall Man and killer flying silver balls. Also, midget corpses. Midget corpses EVERYWHERE! Also, Reality Reboot. YOU CAN NEVER DEFEAT THE TALL MAN! Did I mention the first time The Tall Man kills someone, he's just freshly fucked some guy as a statuesque blonde? That's how the movie STARTS! Go watch this movie, now.

Phantasm II: Reggie gets laid, gets into a chainsaw duel, and there's multiple types of those flying silver balls. Fuck year chainsaw duel!

Phantasm III (Lord of the Dead): Fuckin' A, Reggie's a certified and certifiable badass. Didn't he die once before? Motherfucker's the fuckin' Determinator - he can never diiiiie! More flying silver balls that kill people. More abilities for said flying silver balls. More midgets, there was a strange lack of midget corpses in the second movie...

Phantasm IV (oblIVon, did you see what they did there?!): Really, it's just more of Reggie The Ice Cream Man being a badass. Jesus fucking christ, this guy is cooler than Zap Rowsdower.

So there ya go! Four incredible movies, but no fifth sadly enough. Wait, the fifth one DOES exist, y'know?

Gah, am I the only motherfucker to have seen it...or am I confusing it for the equally badassed fourth?

Bah, go watch some movies.

Remember kids: never trust flying silver balls. All they want to do is get up in your face and drill your brains out.

1 comment:

  1. FUCK YES.

    Phantasm is my favorite movie of all time. The actual story of it all is just epic and strange.

    No fifth yet, but Don Coscarelli has said he wants to make another.

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