Friday, July 22, 2011

Oh God ICE PIRATES IN THIS REVIEW!!!!

Yeah, it's from the Netflix DVD (which I'll be choosing to get rid of, unless my Partner in Crime says otherwise) but hey, if yer gonna go out go out with a friggin' bang!

With that said, I made sure to have Ice Pirates at the top of the list~!

Wait, what...you don't know what the hell Ice Pirates is?!

DUDE, what's wrong with you?!! No, no, nonono...it probably wasn't your fault, it's probably your parents fault.

I blame them.

In the meantime, let us go over the WHY you should do your damndest to rent this amazing comedy asap:



Yes, the space goddamn herpes scene. That has stuck with me ever since, like, I was freakin' 8 years old, yo! A lot of this movie is actually kind of a hazy fog of awesome in between scenes of comedy gold that has stuck around in my mind (Like pretty much any Mel Brooks or Leslie Nielsen movie) and...well, you saw it!

Goddamned space herpes, mang!!!

This ranks up there with Airplane in terms of watchability, and you really owe it to yourself to see this amazing '80's gem. Science fiction, slapstick comedy, and awesome costume designs right outta Space Adventure freakin' Cobra. Awesome robots, a young Anjelica Houston, freakin' Ron Perlman (why yes, he happens to be one of my favorite actors of all time) and a dazzlingly "color-blind" cast and crew. This is just one of those movies which actually makes me optimistic towards the future of humanity, especially in the area of race relations and movies are concerned.

It also makes me miss the Mel Brooks philosophy of comedy and movies. I'm just sayin'...

Anyway you should order, rent, or buy this movie. NAO!

Speakin' of which, I really REALLY shouldn't leave you guys without at least a coupla offerings from the streaming side of things.

With that said, it's time to get autismal as fuck with Chocolate!

Now, seriously, Chocolate is about a half-Thai half-Japanese autistic girl named Zen who is raised near a muy thai temple. She has the odd ability to reflexively catch anything that is thrown at her head without looking out of sheer reflex, plus the ability to mimic martial arts techniques and skills she views whether it be in real life, video game, or a movie. Suffice it to say this comes to the fore after her mother falls ill with cancer and she and a boy her mother took in off the streets discover an old booklet with names and figures in it. Basically her mother was a money-lending bullyboy (girl?) for a mobster in her previous life before becoming a stay-at-home single mother, and there's quite a few people out there who still owe her delicious sums of money. So Zen and Moom (the boy her mother rescued from homelessness) hit the streets and, apparently, every single goddamn person who owes her money refuses to pay up without having their collective asses (as well as their henchmen) kicked, all so Zin (Zen's mother) can receive the chemo treatment she so desperately needs.

It's actually quite cute how the autistic Zen views the world and, even more so, whenever she demands for the person to give them money for her mother's medicine. I swear to God, I grew to love that adorable little autistic, if for nothing else her voice and speech patterns.

Starring Tony Jaa: Martial Arts Jesus via movie shots of Ong Bak and The Protector Zen watches and, presumably, learns the majority of her skills. Now admittedly the woman playing Zen DOES do a great job whuppin' ass, and the fight scenes are well choreographed. My favorite, above all?

Holy fucking shit, autistic versus full-body Tourette's in a battle worthy of any Cripple Fight sequence!!!!



DUUUUDE, DID YOU SEE THAT? CRIPPLE FUCKING FIGHT!!! Suffice it to say, I was making that HAR-RAR sound for, like, two days after watching this!!!!

I've got some more good stuff comin' atcha in awhile, but first you really owe it to yourself to acquire and watch Ice Pirates then go get your retard on with Chocolate.

Seriously, I haven't troll-danced THIS hard since I watched this damn show!!!!

In b4 a bunch of pissed-off people message me about how offended they are. YOUR TEARS R DELISHUS!!!

Streaming and/or Instant Watching: Chocolate (funny story, it's also known as Fury in its' original title)
DVD: Ice Pirates

9 comments:

  1. Movies like these remind me why I love my Netflix Instant so dearly. Seriously. Such great entertainment.

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  2. @Sinclair - HNNNNNG, indeed! Have you looked at my previous lists? They should still be good as of today...

    GOD I fucking love how autismally amazing Chocolate is. Just CRIPPLE FIGHT MAXIMUS!!!!!

    I can't stop watching that sequence!!

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  3. hahaha these movies look awesome gonna go try download them now

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  4. I don't have Netflix in my country. But that movie looks ridiculously interestingly awesome. LOL.

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  5. @Hom - Hey-HEY m'man! Y'know, it's strange how these little lists and suggestions (sometimes reviews, mostly opinions) can be held to just about anything movie-related, not just Netflix.

    Remember though, it's cool to try before you buy! Piracy is a no-no, so I'm told by the government.

    eyrethay ightray erehay ithway aay ungay taay ymay eadhay. elphay!!!!

    @Film Geek Bastard - HEEEEY MAH FELLOW BASTAAARD! 'Sup there, m'man?! Welcome to my own humble offering of movie crap to the internet. Indeed, you talkin' 'bout Ice Pirates or Chocolate (Fury in Thailand)? Either way, you're definitely in for some treats, m'man.

    Ice Pirates is just good '80's fun, and Chocolate/Fury is just...gah, so autismally cute yet awesome martial art sequences, y'knowwhatImean?

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  6. Ice Pirates! Haven't seen that movie for ages!

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  7. Netflix brings us closer to the worst movies in the world in ways I never thought possible. It's the reason I've seen Thankskilling. If you don't know what that is you should check it out.

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  8. Y'know in my next Netflix This! post, I'm going to be pointing out some if the biggest Netflix blunders, losers, and in general whatthefuckaries.

    God, Thankskilling...how did you SURVIVE that festival of feces?

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  9. Ice Pirates looks awesome. Going to look for it now!

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