Monday, August 15, 2011

Horror 102: Rooms To Die For...er, In...you heard me...

It's time for some fuuuuuuun! Are you ready to play some games?

'Cuz I got some more horror for y'all~!

Nine Dead - Nine people are handcuffed to poles in a room. They must guess WHY theyr'e in the room, pretty much attempt to figure out what's the relationship between all nine of them, or one person will be shot once every ten minutes.

Believe it or not, it's a pretty badassed flick altogether, y'know?



Breathing Room - Take Nine Dead then add a liberal mass of Clue. Basically somethin' like fourteen people awaken within a huge room with fluorescent lighting, individual bags for clothes (orange-red team and blue-black team) and in each of them a hint, a clue towards what's going on.

They're also wearing collars that will shock their asses dead should they "break the rules."

The gamemaster actually shows his face, which immediately makes it different than Saw or Nine Dead. The best kill due to rule breakage? The guy who didn't fucking wash his hands.

Now THAT'S my kinda punishment!!! WASH YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS now I gotta make a friggin' personal post about that sometime...

Suffice it to say the lights go out at regular, possibly even irregular intervals, and a person dies with each lights out. They're constantly hounded by the fact that a "pedophile, a rapist, and a murder" is alive amongst them...or dead when they die.

I won't tell ya when, or who, but maaaan...let's just say the killer is only slightly obvious, but the rest'll actually catch ya off-guard. Now that I've ruined THAT for you, check out this trailer and see it for your damn self:



Cube 2: Hypercube - I fuckin' loooooooooooove the cube series, with Cube 2 being my favorite (Hypercube~!). After all, nothing is scarier to me then being killed by mathematical theorems, geometrical anomalies and spatial algorithms. I mean, you don't understand when it's gonna hit, you probably don't even understand when it DOES hit, and last but not least it's damn near always messy when it does hit.

If you ask me, it doesn't get any better then that when it comes to gore-horror flicks!

Every cube movie pretty much goes like this, only Hypercube has a futuristic math-will-kill-you kinda thing goin' on: eight strangers awaken with the Hypercube itself and they must navigate their way about each room, surviving not only the actual kill rooms (a staple for the Cube series) but also rooms where the room ITSELF can kill or somehow just fuck you up. Gravity shift rooms, variable time speed rooms...I'll ruin this much for ya, two of the strangers get their sex on in one of these rooms and end up dessicated as fuck.

Suffice it to say, unlike the other Cubes which relies on such lethal gimmicks as crushing walls or machine guns firing into the room or even acid sprays (my favorite) OH, or the garotte wires ground beefing a guy, the Hypercube instead uses, just like I said, mathematical algorithms and alien geometries.


BEWARE: German subbed, and the action goes down 'bout 1:50 in. See that beautiful mirror-like thing floating in the air? Yeah, that will kill you.

Beautiful and shiny things will kill you in the Hypercube.

DO NOT HAVE SEX IN THE GODOMND HOPORCOBE, GODOMMOT FRONK!

Here's the trailer:



Suffice it to say I'm a BIIIIIG fan of the Cube series. They're all pretty fucked up, but maaaan...the second one is just pure fucked up on top of "Oh godammit fuck this shit."

Seriously, they need to make a Cube 3 already.

SO, there ya go....three offerings to definitely eat up an evening. For those of you who skipped down to the list section, all you gotta do is plug these into your search bar:

Nine Dead
Breathing Room
Cube 2

Enjoy a night of Saw-esque horror, yo~!

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - you know what else eats up afternoons? I have, like, five blogs altogether...why dontcha go check 'em out? Or, hell, brag about having found me to your friends before I get all e-popular and shit.

Go oooooon, I'll still love ya ba-by~! That Bastard doesn't diminish by being shared, shit...juices get multiplied~!

Seriously, stop keeping me a fucking secret already!

5 comments:

  1. LOL. Both of the Cube movies are so ridiculous

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  2. @Bowen - HAH, I actually dig the Cube movies 'cuz of the whole attempting to figure out the bullshit before it hits, y'know?

    Cube 2 is even worse due to the whole nature of the thing.

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  3. Maaan, I enjoy the cube movies :D
    there is actually a third one :)
    Cube Zero is the name, but I still like that you have this one in the blog!

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  4. @Dubs - 'saaaaap~!

    HNNNNNG, Cube Zero (the prequel) isn't really my thing, just 'cuz of how antiquated the traps felt in comparison to Cube 1 and Hypercube. Admittedly though, it did progress the idea of the "story" behind the Cube movies better...since it was the first time the Cube was used and for the reasons the people gave.

    Besides, it also tied nicely into Cube 1, y'know?

    Anyway, enjoy the blog m'man!

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  5. Yeh, I think I will enjoy this blog :) bookmarking it :) I am a big fan of movies, thanks dude :)

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