I know it's been awhile, so I hope you don't mind if I just jump right in without preamble, yes?
It's a lazy Sunday, and you've got yer Netflix revved up. Time for some good shit.
Devil's Carnvial - HOOOOOO BOY! The guy's who collaborated
and did Repo: The Genetic Opera brings ya this short experimental horror
movie about three souls who end up in Hell, which is apparently a
carnival run for the Devil's amusement. Just their luck, "The Boss"
decides to join in on the fun that night.
Suffice it to say, it's
exactly what you think it's gonna be. The colors are ghoulish and it's
a carnival in Hell. The music is fuckin' choice, and each musician and
actor brings their own flavor to the stage. Ultimately, it's
palate-pleasing and an entertaining way of enjoying "a shade under an
hour" on Netflix, y'know?
It also stars Emilie Autumn. Y'don't
know who that is? Well, go check out my newest Sooth(e) Your Freaking
Beast and check out the only song I know of hers, "Opheliac."
Hannah Minx (weeaboo with quite a large set of personalities,
e-celebrity, and hasn't decided to do porn yet to my dismay) is in it
too, but hell...that ain't as cool as Emilie Autumn as The Painted Doll.
can you say Bill Moseley? And I swear to god, one of those guys is
Voltaire, though I might be wrong on that one. There's also quite a few
people from Repo in on this one (Ogre who played the delightful
face-wearing rapist Pavi Largo, Paul Sorvino, just...a whole buncha
mofos), so you KNOW it's gotta be somewhat good~! Suffice it to say,
you should go watch it.
Bless America - A man who still believes in old American
values like decency and honor goes on a Falling Down like rampage and
starts killing "celebrities" and talking heads.
Suffice it to say, it's the movie we NEED, dammit. D:<
this is a wonderful way of pointing out that we, as a civilization,
have pretty much lost our way, all wrapped up in a Bonnie and Clyde
story. At least I dug it.
It may not be your cup of tea, but it certainly is MINE~!
won't even tell you 'bout the teenaged girl who joins in on his killing
spree - I honestly don't wanna give away too much of this movie.
BUT, you can certainly check out the trailer yer damn self, make up yer mind and either watch it or not. :D
Tamara - Hmmmm. It's hard to describe, this one. You guys ever seen Jennifer's Body?
Well, this is what happens if Jennifer's Body ever took itself seriously.
Seriously, guys. Super cereal.
Well, I guess it's not BAD...I mean, it's not GOOD, but it's not BAD either. Ultimately, so-so.
girl is picked on, has an unrequited love of one of her teachers, and
is bullied to the point where she's accidentally killed during a prank
gone horribly wrong. She comes back from the dead armed with black,
demonic magic and exacts her vengeance, either pushing them to kill
themselves or possessing them and having them enact her horrible plans.
INCLUDING enchanting two of her murderers to engage in gay sex for her amusement.
I thought that part was actually pretty fuckin' entertainin' - they
were both "bros," and were askin' for it the entire goddamn movie. :D
SO. Dig the trailer, yo:
The Woman - Nell meets the Brady Bunch meets every horror thriller evar.
so this Mitt Romney type with a family more fucked up than the Brady
Bunch finds a wild woman in the forest with a bullet hole in her ass.
So he decides to tie her fine, filthy ass up in the basement and ropes
his whole family in to the care of her.
Except his daughter is
pregnant, by him. His wife is suffering SEVERELY from beaten spouse
syndrome, and he's raising his son to be a serial rapist and woman
beater, just like dear old Dad!
Seriously, watching the perfect
facade of this family crumble like so much dust...yeah, this shit is
psychotic, yet entertaining to watch.
Suffice it to
say, the whole movie is fairly intriguing to watch, if anything to see
how this fucked up family deals with the wild beast woman. And the
I haven't even TOLD you about the most fucked up parts of this movie. You have GOT to check it out~! The
Signal - Oh man, checking my backlog I seem to be really into
horror movies. The worst part is that it's not like I'm all "HURRDURR
FEAR.NET 24/7 DERPDERPDERP," it's just I never realized there was SO
MANY horror movies out there I haven't seen! Like, I used to watch
Fear.net on Comcast and such, I mean who hasn't? But Netflix has...jus
SO MANY FUCKING horror movies, both indie and good, b-rated and
horrible, all sorts and types.
So, I'll watch, like, three horror movies in a row...then queue up six of them. Eventually they gotta run out of 'em, right?
The Signal. T.V.'s, radios, cell phones, smart phones, tablets,
anything and everything electronic fucks up the human brain and causes
all sorts of fucked up shit to happen, basically plunging civilizatio
into pure and utter anarchy overnight.
It's actually a GREAT
movie composed of multiple vignettes chronicling a few of the characters
who go through this shit...including a wife and her lover attempting to
escape a jealously murderous husband (though, to be fair he was both
jealous and apparently murderous BEFORE the static-control) at the
center of these vignettes.
Either way, the whole thing flows very
well, and it's not just your boring "slashy slashy, stabby stabby" but
all the myriad ways of executing murder, and the thought processes (both
faulty and static-controlled) that lay behind them.
though, that's bein' too cerbreal 'bout it: it's a movie about people
everywhere becoming psychos overnight, and pretty much everyone is
crazy. To me, that's fuckin' FUN right there.
Check it out, dig it, lemme know watcha think:
Slither - OH HOLY HELL THIS MOVIE, THIS FUCKIN' MOVIE MAN.
DID YOU LIKE FEAST? WELL YOU'LL FUCKIN' LOVE SLITHER!!!!
OH. OH GOD. OH GOD THIS MOVIE. DISGUSTING MONSTER EFFECTS. AWESOME SPECIAL EFFECTS. A HORROR MOVIE TO LAST THE AGES~!
I MEAN, LOOK AT THE TRAILER, JUST LOOK!!!!!
OH GOD, I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!
SO! Have you Ctrl+F'd and typed in "The List?" Well, here is The List, ready for your perusal:
The Devil's Carnival
God Bless America
the next update of Netflix This, I've got a bit more horror for ya, and
a movie or two that's more on the lines of action-y and comedy, perhaps
even a little...romantic?
...or, if I haven't done an artsy-fartsy artfag post, that'll be the one. Expect true cinema artistry in the next 'un~!
- I just opened up the Authors Page for my work over at Facebook.
Gimme a like and a shoutout, yeah? Spread it around to yer friends, let
'em know The Man In Black, That Bastard From Bellingham, Thomas Duder
Hisgoddamnself, is slingin' that hot paper.
I got novellas for yer ass, son. More action-adventure then you ever knew you CRAVED~!
The Generalist - Taboo 0 is free forever now over at Smashwords, and
Taboo 1 is official, up and ready for sale at both Amazon and Smashwords
at a buck fifty.
It's happened. I'm sellin' The Generalist - Taboo 0: Cliché of
Memories over at Amazong right the hell now~! All 44 pages with as
complete an editing job as I can muster, a bit more content (to patch up
some of the holes I purposefully left in when I posted it here~!), and
also with this snazzy cover done by none other than Jade herself over at
Jaded Shots (http://jadedshots.blogspot.com)!
current edition of Taboo 0 is kinda...eh, well not WONKY, but I'm
reformatting it for Smashwords (so you Nook readers and fellow Barnes
and Noble whores can snag it up~!) and will be moving the Authors' Notes
to the back. That and a major relevation: it's currently up for $2.99,
which is outrageous since I wasn't going to raise the price until Taboo
1 is released~! It SHOULD be at the wonderfully low price of $1.50,
but bah...fucking Amazong is dragging their feet.
I'm as excited as it gets and am more than willin' to spread this
around! Let yer friends know, tell yer folks, scream it to the goddamn
The Man In Black is slingin' dem books.
mah tweets, repost dem posts, spread that link around! OR you can
search me on Amazon simply by typing in "Thomas Duder" or "Thomas Duder
The Generalist" at the Amazong search bar~!
waiting 'til the price drops to $1.50, but hey - if you've already read
it here and like what you've read, go ahead and gimme some stars and a
review! If you can't afford the buck fiddy, an honest review and star
will help me out tremendously anyway. :D
Buy the e-book
as a cheap gift for your loved one! Hell, buy a Kindle and pre-load it
with this puppy before putting it in their stocking stuffer!
Do what you do, mah peoples, and spread it around~!
- Say, you on the KDP Forums? I've been recently stomping around over
at that unmoderated trolls' paradise and havin' a ball! There's some
genuinely sensitive souls there, and people who genuinely are looking to
expand their marketing networks and establish new contacts as well as
learning tips and tricks of marketing and self-publishing.
Then there's people like me, and those are the one's I've been jukin' around with. :D
So if yer already there, gimme a holler at "thomasduder" yeah?
So you may or may not be thinking I'm going to do something new with Netflix This, y'know? Well, let me abuse that notion right off the bat: I ain't changin' shit.
Even if I don't gain recognition for this little niche blog or whatever have you, or any kinda cash really at all, I enjoy sharing the shit I'm watching with you guys...and if I can make someone's evening pass by a bit nicer with one of my suggestions, then by all means~! 'S all good for me.
So, with that stated, what am I going to slap at you guys for my big-assed return to the scene?
Why a night of AAAAAZN movies. Made by AAAAAASIAAAANS.
Well, in the very least it mostly stars 'em, y'know? Good shit all around, either way.
Muay Thai Giant
Isn't it supposed to be Muy Thai? Oh well...it's still a wonderful romp starring Nathan Jones, otherwise known as THAT HUGE MOTHERFUCKER from The Protector. Dude's a white version of Bob Sapp, only in Thailand instead of Japan. Dude's just EVERYWHERE, I swear, and in this one he dials down the fierceness and becomes what's essentially a huge beefcake version of a pussy...unless he eats spicy Papaya Salad.
Then he HULK RAGES out and pretty much goes on a rampage, whupping everything and everyone's ass.
With size jokes aplenty, this is a feel good kinda family-oriented action-comedy that's gonna make ya happy you checked it out.
Did I happen to mention that it stars Nathan Jones, THE HUGE MOTHERFUCKER from The Protector? I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't happen to put his character from The Protector side by side with the character from Muay Thai Giant and attempt such an implied connection. Besides, I think the character from The Protector caught an elephant femur shank to the ass and died or somethin'
B.K.O.: Bangkok Knock Out
Saw meets martial arts. No, seriously. This is The Prisoner meets any martial arts flick. A martial arts stunt group competes to snag a place in a movie for their group, only for things to go WAAAAAY sideways.
Because, y'know, rich people just LOVE betting on this kinda shit. A friend is kidnapped, they must go through a series of fights to get friend back, and all sortsa hell breaks loose~!
No, seriously, B.K.O. is a pretty freakin' cool movie with tons going for it in the way of martial arts action. The choreography is tight as hell and the whole thing is just freakin' awesome, especially the all-or-nothing-rumble that goes on between the stunt group and the people they're forced to fight in a warehouse. Honestly, it's all about the sheer variety of fighting styles they pull off, and..well, hell, dig on this trailer and see for yourself!
I've actually freaked out about this before here on Netflix This, and I'm going to freak out about it again. OH GOD YOU SHOULD WATCH THIS, if for no other reason than the adorable little autismal chick. Seriously, it's a movie about a girl with autism who has crazy-insane reflexes, with the ability to catch balls and knives thrown at her head, who can basically learn any martial arts maneuver simply by watching it. When her mother comes down with cancer or somethin' else malignant, she and her adopted brother stumble across the fact that she used to be a money lender and after finding her old books decide to go about collecting those old debts in order to pay for her treatment.
Which naturally leads to each of the deadbeats (who are actually quite well-off, simply stingy and greedy, the bastards) launching their men at them in a brutal attempt to beat them up and send them packing, only for the little autistic girl to go ballistic and whup serious ass.
Climaxes with the awesomest cripple fight ever as the old triad gang her mother ran with steps in with a young boy with full-body Tourettes to whup HER ass and stop her in her tracks. Suffice it to say this creates the single greatest battle ever recorded, and this is including anything I've ever seen with Fist of the North Star.
Simply. Marvelous. Plus Zen is the cutest little badass I've ever seen, hands down.
Well, it's time, OH IT IS TIME friends! Time for The List!
Want to waste away a hot afternoon? Type these into yer search bar:
BKO: Bangkok Knockout
Muay Thai Giant (don't forget that "a" in "muay" now)
Funny story, I actually have a few Netflix This posts written up, which I completely forgot about recently. LOL. Expect 'em up a bit more now that I've actually GOT Netflix workin' again~! Also, you wanna help out a little?
Hang out with me at the usual spots, tell yer friends, actually USE the lists and show them around, yah? It's all about that advertising, and it's kinda cool that YOU can help out a brotha, y'know?
SO, as always re-tweet the tweets, re-post the Faecbawks statuses, and spread the lists around~! You got Netflix? You askin' "What should I watch on Netflix tonight?"
Andrew Garfield is the greatest actor of all time. That is all.
...wait, what? Review? Oh, oh...oh yeah.
Fine, I'll give a review since that's what yer here for, right? Right!
SO, the Amazing Spiderman. I actually went in with a little bit of hate ready, my mad set to maximum immediately for retcons and sequels. Then it was pointed out to me that this isn't a retcon OR a sequel but based on the comics The Amazing Spiderman. Taking my derp hat off, I remembered then that there is indeed such a comic series, wherein Peter Parker wall-crawls more, acts like more of a spider, and needs artificial web shooters and webbing.
Well, screw it...I'm still mad that it's Gwen Stacy for the romantic interest and not Mary Jane.
So with all that stated, I go into the movie with half a head of mad and somewhat expecting a good movie...and what I got was a good fuckin' movie!
Now, I KNOOOOOOW other reviewers (whom I will not name, suffice it to say I looked and so can you) are proclaiming Toby McGuire's Spidey to be superior, but here's my thing 'bout it...
Toby McGuire was good for one and a half movies, then everything went sideways quick, fast, and in a freakin' hurry. ESPECIALLY 3.
Let's not talk about it, it doesn't exist.
Now, this might STILL go sideways if they DO make sequels and they try to deviate that badly from canon. So long as they keep doin' what they doin' (BRING BACK MARTIN SHEEN, I DON'T CARE HOW OH GOD BEST BEN PARKER EVAR!), the sequels should end up bein' okay.
Now, I put it forth to you that Andrew Garfield as Spiderman is, actually, superior to Toby McGuire's. It's not hard to fuck up Spiderman, you got the glib, the powers, and a little panache in your moves. I don't blame Toby for making his Spiderman less arachnid and more brawler in his attacks and such, but...
Man, did they REALLY ramp up the insect-nature of Spiderman in this movie!
Now, with the mask on Andrew Garfield just IS Spiderman. Seeing the people of New York back him up makes it feel even more like a Spidey comic, y'knowwhatImean?
And theeeeen he takes off the mask and acts as Peter Parker.
Andrew Garfrield is the greatest actor ever because the dude honestly made me believe he had autism.
Like, I honestly google'd that shit two days later in order to see if he had autism or not, and if so how the fuck was he able to act so awesomely with the mask on. Turns out he translated Peter Parker's "nerdy social nervousness" into "full-blown autismals," to the point that I honestly freakin' believed he was autistic.
And Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy? Jesus Christ, this woman! She's currently in my top five celebrities I wish to sell my soul to (Michelle Trachtenberg, Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba, Christine Hendricks, and now Emma Stone), and will probably stay there until she dyes her hair or somethin' - as a blonde, her huge eyes are just soooo freakin' expressive. And seein' Flash get whupped up on and humiliated is just awesome, though it's supposed to be the lesson where he learns great power, great responsibility and all that jazz.
Did I mention Sally Field and Martin Sheen as Aunt May and Uncle Ben? Holy CRAP are they believable too! To the point where each time Uncle Ben is referenced it's just a square shot to the balls/heart.
Now, the combat sequences. My GOD, talk about the highlight of the movie! Spiderman has more web-based moves and wall-crawling attacks then I ever remember in the "original" trilogy, including at one point in time just ballin' up the Lizard like he's packing away somethin' for his kids to feast upon after they hatch. Like, seriously, just web shots all over the place then crawls all over him lacing him down with more webbing.
It's truly an awesome sight to behold, and watching him evade and dodge using the web-slinging is amazing...and did I mention the freefalling feel of free movement and web-slinging? Jesus Christ, that's awesome.
Y'know, there's a running gag between me and my homeboy Ace (Danger Combo 2012, http://dangercombo.blogspot.com) that whenever he slings web against things that are obviously higher than a skyscraper, then it's a cloud from Lukito before he's able to wake up and start throwing Spineys at Mario.
Go ahead. Google up that reference. I'll give ya a minute.
Suffice it to say, like Lukito just wakes up and "Yawwwwwn I wonder how many times I'm gonna splatter Mario today OH MY FUCKING GOD!" as Spiderman slings off of him with a "Hey, can I borrow this cloud?"
Yeah. At least in THIS movie he actually slings off of a helicopter, which makes more sense.
There's moments where you'll honestly cry, moments where you'll cheer for Peter as he awkwardly and autistically stumbles around high school and being a superhero, and other times when you're going to just roar and cheer as he whups ass as Spiderman.
'S a good movie, mang. Go watch yourself some.
P.S. - My Netflix is up and running again, did I mention that? Just trying to figure out a pattern I can work with again, then I can start postin' up lists again.
Want a suggestion? I watched a few movies recently that were pretty freakin' sweet. Like, Mutant Zombie Vampires from the Hood freakin' sweet. Like I went in expecting bullshit and pretty much got wowed after paying attention to it.
The Signal is also a great one to check out. Go watch it. Enjoy~!
How the fuck to do THIS great 'un without giving out spoilers that possibly aren't already out there? I mean..it, like, JUST practically dropped, all hot and delicious in the worlds' lap.
And then me and a small crew of our peoples went to Sharis and had awesome burgers and pie a la mode afterwards.
Strawberry Rhubarb pie. Golden vanilla ice cream.
I then had a slice of delicious tuxedo mousse cake later on that night because nothin' like the threat of diabetes to make one feel truly alive, y'know? Especially after a day like that.
So. I got home, had cake, snuggled up a hottie, then went to bed and slept for ten hours. I then woke up and had a pretty good day today as well.
....I mean, then I wrote these blogs, but yeah you get the point.
So. What does any of this have to do with MiB3?
Well...picture, if you will, a movie. A good movie. Practically back to back with another REALLY great movie (The Avengers) that it actually overtook in the box office sales, and for good point.
The comic geek in us (me and my friends) is enraged, but everyone pretty much agrees: yeah. This fuckin' movie.
This fuckin' movie right here?
It's GOOD. It DESERVED to overtake The Avengers as the number one movie in 'Murrica.
Okay, MiB 1 set the bar. MiB 2 was all about the alien gimmicks (worm guys, Frank, the villain and the alien princess) and the comedic drama of bringing Agent K back into the force, all that good shit. It wasn't BAD, despite the haterade it acquired, especially for those of us who watched the cartoons - there were shoutouts aplenty, and the Worm Guys are pretty much the epitome of asshole, douchebag broism.
MiB3 is that sweet spot, that super soft sweet spot right between the ribs, where you slide the blade up and wiggle it a little and watch as the light is snuffed out of their eyes, like a candle in a howling wind.
Just enough alien gimmicks to make it fun, just enough gidgets-gadgets to make it awesome, just enough of a balance of comedy and action to make it awesome, with more then a few touches of drama. Just a touch, just enough to heighten the rest of the fun, y'know?
The storywriting itself was somewhat compelling (fuck you if you didn't like that dialogue, ESPECIALLY anytime Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones, or Will Smith was on the screen at any point in time), the time travel lacked paradoxes and was stable as fuck, and the villain. THE VILLAIN!
WHO THE FUCK WAS THE GUY WHO PLAYED BORIS HOLY SHIT HE WAS BADASSED! And his bike. I WANT HIS BIIIIIKE!
The music wasn't anything to scream about, staying to the tried-and-true sounds of previous MiB's...but y'know what? That's not a bad thing. If it ain't broke, don't fuck it up by getting rid of Danny Elfman and getting that other guy. Y'know, that other guuuuuy. From the Toy Story movies. Yeah, him. Randy Newman.
Y'know what? How CAN I do a Hot and Current without ruining this? Woll Smoth in absolute top form. Tommy Lee Jones in absolute top form. Josh Brolin in absolute Tommy Lee Jones form (seriously, did he sleep in his fucking SKIN like a goddamn Edgar suit in order to pull off his speech patterns, brick face, and everything else?)? Should I point out the strangely James Bondish moment...
No, that'd ruin it.
Should I point out about Zedd....
No, that'd ruin it.
Should I talk about the opening scene where Boris...or...
OKAY GUYS, FOR THE DURATION OF THIS POST, IT'S ALL CAPS TIME. I AM RELEASING THE FURY AND REAPING THE WHIRLWIND. YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE THE POWER OF THE THUNDER I AM CALLING FORTH. MY INHIBITORS ARE OVERLOADING AND I AM TOTALLY ROCKING YOUR MOTHER'S MOUTH RIGHT NOW.
NO. NO. SERIOUSLY. THIS FUCKING MOVIE, MAN.
OKAY, OKAY, JUST HANG WITH ME, OKAY? HEAR ME OUT BRO, AND PICTURE THIS: ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS THE MOVIE. BUT UNLIKE BATTLESHIP THE MOVIE, IT'S, Y'KNOW, GOOD.
LIKE A GOOD FUCKIN' MOVIE.
OKAY YOU GOT HUGH JACKMAN AS THE MAIN CHARACTER, OBVIOUSLY. I MEAN, THE FUCKER'S DAD'S A GOLDEN GLOVES BOXER BACK IN HIS DAY, RIGHT? PLUS HE'S HUGH FUCKING JACKMAN, THIS IMMEDIATELY PUTS HIM INTO BADASS STATUS.
NOT WOLVERINE: ORIGINS HUGH JACKMAN, BUT X-MEN 1 HUGH JACKMAN, BACK WHEN WE STILL BELIEVED THE X-MEN MOVIES WERE GOING TO BE COOL. THANK GOD FOR X-MEN: FIRST CLASS, BUT THAT'S FOR A DIFFERENT FOCUS ON.
SO WHERE WAS I? OH YEAH. SO REAL STEEL. ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS THE MOVIE.
ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOTS ALL HOOLIGAN STYLE AND SHIT! SERIOUSLY, BIG ASS ROBOTS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER WITH NAMED ATTACKS, CALLED ATTACKS, AND JUST PLAIN OLD BIG ASSED ROBOTS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER.
DID I MENTION THE ROBOT NAMES? AND THE NAMED ATTACKS? HOLY SHIT, THIS MOVIE WAS MAAAADE FOR ME!
SO. HUGE JACKPEOPLE PLAYS AS A WASHED-OUT HAS-BEEN BOXER WHO ONCE WAS A MAJOR CONTENDER, RIGHT? BUT THEN THE ROBOT BOXING LEAGUE SPRANG UP, AND SO HE SWITCHED TO THAT AND BECAME A WASHED-OUT HAS-BEEN ROBOT BOXING TRAINER OR WHATEVER. IT'S BASICALLY POKEMON, ONLY THERE'S QUITE A FEW WAYS TO GO ABOUT LEADING YOUR ROBOT TO VICTORY: GOOD OL' MANUAL JOYSTICKS, JUST FOR THAT ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM FEEL, VOICE COMMAND (A RARE ONE, OR AT LEAST EXPENSIVE OPTION), AND THEN YOU GOT THE RARE "SHADOW FUNCTION" WHERE THE ROBOT MIMICS WHATEVER IT SEES OR IS ORDERED TO LOOK AT.
SO, NATURALLY THIS WASHED-UP HAS-BEEN PLAYED BY HUG JOCKMOM HAS A KID WITH SOME CHICK FROM BACK WHEN HE WAS ACTUALLY A GOOD BOXER, BUT THE CHICK DIED AND NOW THE AUNT WANTS TO OWN THE KID. NATURALLY SHE HAS TO GO OFF AND TAKE HIM TO PARIS OR CHINA OR WHEREVER, BUT HER NEWLYWED (OLD) RICH (OLD) NEW (OLD) HUSBAND WANTS HER ALL TO HIMSELF SO HE PAYS OFF HOCK JUGSMAN AND HAS HIM BABYSIT HIS KID FOR THE SUMMER.
OF COURSE HE PUTS THAT MONEY TOWARDS A NEW ROBOT, WHICH GETS SCRAPPED IN A FIGHT AFTER A SERIOUS BOUT OF NOT ENOUGH KNOWING YOUR DAMN ROBOT AND HOW TO WORK THE CONTROLS.
THEY FIND AN OLD, ABANDONED ROBOT AND THE BOY FORMS A BOND WITH IT, AND THE THREE END UP TAKING THE SHOW ON THE ROAD AFTER FINDING OUT THAT A) THE BOY IS ACTUALLY AS GOOD, IF NOT BETTER, THAN THE FATHER, AND B) THE FUCKING ROBOT IS A MONSTER IN THE RING, ARMED NOT ONLY WITH THE VOICE COMMAND FROM THE PREVIOUSLY JUNKED ROBOT (TSUNAMI JOE OR SOMETHIN' LIKE THAT) BUT ITS' OWN SHADOW FUNCTION.
EVENTUALLY, AFTER DOING QUITE A FEW SIDE SHOWS AND RACKING UP WIN AND WIN, THEY GET INVITED TO THE ROBOT BOXING LEAGUE.
DUDE. DUDE. HEAR ME OUT.
THINGS DON'T GET GOOD HERE.
THEY WERE GOOD THE MOMENT THE MOVIE BEGAN.
SHIT GETS AWESOME WHEN THE ROBOT BOXING LEAGUE SEQUENCE OCCURS, AND THE SHEER BALLS ON HOG JUNKMINGS' KID IS FUCKIN' INCREDIBLE!!!!
SO YEAH, YOU'VE GOT HUGH JACKMANS, DAKOTA GOYO IS THE KID AND THE REST ARE PRETTY BACKGROUND CHARACTERS FOR THE MOST PART. NOT EVEN JOKIN', THEY'RE COOL AND ALL BUT HONESTLY THE UP-FRONT GOODS ARE PLACED ON THE ROBOTS, WHERE THEY BELONG! ATOM IS THE MAIN ROBO IN THIS MOVIE, BUT THEN YOU GOT A TON OF OTHERS: ZEUS, NOISY BOY, MIDAS, METRO, AND...WELL, YOU GET THE POINT!
DO YOU SERIOUSLY EVEN WANT TO BEGIN WITH THE SPECIAL ATTACKS? THEY'RE ALL THEMED TO THE ROBOT, COOL TO WATCH AND LOOKS ABSOLUTELY GREAT IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR STANDARD ATTACKS. JUST FUCKIN' AWESOME ALTOGETHER, Y'KNOW?
OH, AND THE MUSIC IS DONE BY DANNY ELFMAN. YEAH THAT GUY. THE MUSIC ISN'T ANYTHING TO SCREAM ABOUT, BUT IT FITS WELL WITH THE MOVIE, Y'KNOWWHATIMEAN?
SO YES, THIS IS ROCKY WITH ROBOTS WITH LESS DRAMA BUT NO EXCISING OF THE ACTION. PLUS IT'S HUGE ROBOTS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER, DID I MENTION THAT?
OKAY. OKAY, I'VE RUINED ENOUGH OF THIS MOVIE FOR YOU AND TO BE HONEST I'M ON THE LOOKOUT FOR IT LIKE MAD. LIKE SERIOUSLY MAD.
LIKE THROWING CHAIR MAD, I FUCKING WANT THIS MOVIE IN MY DVD COLLECTION AND SO SHOULD YOU!
FORGET BATTLESHIT: THE VIDEO GAME BASED ON BOTTLESHERP: THE MOVIE BASED ON BATTLESHIP: THE BOARD GAME THAT IS MORE ENTERTAINING AND LASTS LONGER THAN EITHER MEDIUM! GO WATCH REAL STEEL.
WATCH IT AND INDULGE IN THE AMAZING COMBAT, THE SPECIAL EFFECTS, A BELIEVABLE UNDERDOG STORY, AND MORE BADASS THAN YOU DESERVE!!!!
...yeah, it's a great movie. A REALLY great fuckin' movie. Go watch it.
P.S. - OKAY okay, the real adventure begins now. Suffice it to say, The Avengers has already been hailed as one of the awesomest superhero movies of all time (or, in the very least, >I'M< sayin' that) and it certainly DOES live up to that title! Now yes, there is a con or two that I can think up of the day after...but overall, this is certainly FAR from the pitiful Transformers 2 and the sad fallout I experienced after my fanboyism cleared up and I realized what a fuckshit stack that movie was.
Seriously, someone needs to kill the unholy fuck out of Michael Bay before he destroys Teenage Mutant (sorry, Alien) Ninja Turtles. I mean, T.M.N.T. has a nice ring to it, T.A.N.T. is one letter away from "taint."
Teenage Alien Intelligent Ninja Turtles doesn't sound anywhere as cool as T.M.N.T. Fuck you, Michael Bay. Fuck you for even suggesting anything close to that.
Anyway...hatred aside, the only complaint I really have about the movie is the obvious emotional ploy they utilize to enable the Avengers themselves.
But that's from an intellectualized point of view - to be honest, said obvious sequence DOES come off as slightly unpredictable, but holy shit when it hits it HITS! I mean, the whole freakin' theater reacted in a way that could only be described of as having fallen deep for said emotional ploy.
Sure, it was obvious...but it was effective! And the vindication that came later on in the movie was made all the sweeter by it, y'knowwhatImean?
Well, YOU probably don't, since it's hard as fuck for me to write this without giving anything away. I mean, I REALLY wanna do some spoilers!!!!
But if you've seen the movie as well, you already know why I'm tryin' not to give away the story for once. Sure the storyline itself isn't from any of the comics, but jeez - the designs! Hell, even Loki's got his Asgardian design all a-rantin', and that motherfucker doesn't play around! The actor is able to evoke what can only be described of as genuine loathing of all other creatures underneath him and taking great delight in enabling the enemy to fall to pieces, as truly befits the godling with the Skill of Deceit, y'knowwhatImean?
Funny thing for me is that everyone in the Avengers got an origin story except for Black Widow and Hawkeye, and if you asked me I was actually intrigued by the idea of a doubled-up origin story for the duo. There was quite a few implications and flat-out stated moments concerning how Hawkeye fit into Black Widow's origin story, and I'm fairly certain they could've pulled it off. Hell, even the Bruce Banner that was NOT Ed Norton did a great job (though if you ask me, he's less "I'm angry all the time" and more passive-aggressive...but oh boy, did he have a moment that made ME react in the beginning of the movie! Had to unball my fist and everything.), and I was kinda expecting to hate all over him.
And then you got the assembled crew as we know 'em. Robert Downey Jr., though, amongst larger-than-life types just takes the freakin' cake though, and has more than one scene where he just steals and seals the deal, y'knowwhatImean? Just chews up the scene like a tough steak and downs it with some A-1 Narmsauce on the side.
Otherwise Thor was predictably powerful, Captain America was predictably soldier-ish and stolid, Iron Man pulled off impressive feats of technical genius as well as sheer awesome badassery (the mark 7, THE MARK 7!!!!!), Bruce Banner was both affable and slightly frightening, the Hulk was the Hulk only I must admit he was WAY more so with this incarnation. I mean, normally he's just "HULK NO LIKE YOU!" and "HULK SMASH!" This movie, I think he only had two words he actually said, simply roaring the rest of the time. And then there's what can only be described of as his "way too enthusiastic rough buddy moments Hulk-style" with Thor. Yeaaaah. The Hulk seemed to have more personality in this movie outside of his "HULK NERD RAGES OUT AND SMASHES THINGS," but there was plenty of THAT too. Meh, take it how you will - I dug the hell out of it. Overall, despite how predictable the characters are, the actors playing them knew what was up - the fans WANT the characters to be just like the comic book versions, and y'knowwhat? Why the fuck are you watching a movie that is explicitly about a comic book superhero group and NOT want to see a comic book superhero group doing their thing?
Holy lord, that final battle sequence. Oh god. Oh god. Oh....god.
And then you got Black Widow and Hawkeye. First and foremost, Hawkeye? Yeah, that's a bad mamma-jamma. Period. And while Black Widow had more than a couple of scenes of just sheer awesome badassery, it's more or less the fact that she's portrayed excellently by Scarlett Johanssen that impresses me more than anything.
Didn't Scarlett turn into the new Lindsey Lohan? I mean, she does a ton of movies then goes into an alcohol- and drug-fueled binge, parties out, gets her crotch plastered all over the internuggets then just disappears, then BAM, Black Widow.
I mean, it's not like I'm hatin' on the girl, not at all...it's just Lindsey Lohan hasn't been able to (thus far) survive being Lindsey Lohan, how in the hell did Scarlett Johanssen do it?
Anyway, badassery all over the place. And then there's Loki.
OHHHHHH boy. Loki.
I really need to see freakin' Thor, just to see if he's as malevolently charming in that movie as he was in the Avengers.
Now, I've hyped up on The Avengers pretty much thus far without giving away really any of the storyline or how badassed the scenes were (MARK SEVEEEEEEEN! PUNY GOD. THE S.H.I.E.L.D. BASE! SAMUEL L. JACKSON MOTHERFUCKER!), or just...well, how awesome the whole movie is. So, my complaints, 'cuz after all...what am I if not a true hater, y'knowwhatImean?
So. No Hawkeye and Black Widow origin story, just gonna jump straight into the Avengers movie, huh? Finally caved into the fan pressure? Also, not enough Stan Lee. Jesus Christ, not enough Stan Lee. Obvious ploy to the theater's emotions as well as to enable the Avengers to...well, gel together. It's obvious, but holy jesus fuck, was it effective!
Now. Some of you (ahemahemMEANDMYTHINKINGCAPcoughcough) may not get it. Some of you may not understand why Captain America fights with a shield of vibranium-adamantium alloy. Some of you may not understand why Hawkeye fights with a bow and arrow, or why Bruce Banner did as good a job as he did.
Some of you cannot fathom how amazing this movie is. Perhaps you don't understand because you never read the comics, or know the lore.
But this isn't that kind of a movie, y'know? This isn't a mere fantasy or sci-fi, this isn't a fictional movie that has to explain every single facet of itself to you since it's banking on the fact that you (like SO MANY OTHER GEEKS ON THE INTERNUGGETS) has already watched the origin movies leading up to this obscenely badassed movie, and even more so it's a movie that is based on already established lore, read and argued about throughout the years.
It's a movie that bridges the gap between comics and movies, and from that point of view? Yeah, grade A++, fuckin' 10/10, would buy from this vendor again.
OH, watch it in 3D for extra special eye sexings. OHHHHHH boy. Really makes the bulges pop out at ya, y'dig?
So. Sosososo-ssssso. There you have it. The Avengers. I didn't give away any of the story, and above all there's still more than enough time to watch it in the theaters since it's quickly become one of the highest-grossing blockbusters in the history of...well, blockbusters.
Go watch yerself some superheroes whuppin' ass, takin' names, and simply being marvelous DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE? LOLOLOLOLOL.
The Avengers. Screw you guys, I'm droppin' guap on this the MOMENT it comes out on blu-ray and buyin' this motherfucker, day ONE!
Closing down to ghost properly. If you don't catch me around the usual places (chat rooms, here at the blogosphere, faecbawks, twitter/twitlonger, etc) then it's because I haven't regained communications yet.
Don't worry though~! I still got plenty of stuff for you guys once I get back - the usual bevvy of song lyrics and poetry and even some actual, GASP, writing~!! Like stories and shit.
Also, collabs. Fo shizzle, my nizzle - don't wanna give it away or nothin', but apparently there's a coupla projects that might star yours truly in it. In the very least, I'll be involved. Hopefully I won't be the towel boy or fluffer again - I should be able to at least headline my own video, y'know?!
In all honesty, sometimes I really wish I accepted the porn job over at Vivid Video. At least I'd be having more fun, yah?
In the meantime, get caught up with my other blogs, or just stalk me on the usual social media bullshit, yeah? Hey, I'm good all over!
In respect of Black March, please note that we did NOT in fact pay money to see this but, rather, scored tickets from a friend who won 'em somewhere. The dude apparently digs my blog, and wanted to see my take on this...yet I AM a man of principles, and Black March needs to go down fully. So whenever I suggest you go out and check this out, consider that I'm sayin' that you do it in April or some other time.
Now let's get back to this fine blogpost, yah?
Hot and Current: Ghost Rider 2 - Spirit of Vengeance 3D
Okay, first and foremost FUCK ROTTEN TOMATOES. Jesus christ, izzit the trolls? Izzit just an actually bad movie? Well I fucking thought it rocked the paunch, and it had me AND my best brother Ace (http://dangercombo.blogspot.com) screaming our fool heads off at the sheer awesomeness.
In case you haven't guessed it yet, I'm talkin' 'bout Nicholas Cage 2: Spirit of Cage.
Now, I liked Ghost Rider 1. It was a good fucking movie, stop smirking at me like that you pompous fuck. Nicholas Cage has been steadily losing his mind over the years as an actor and now has fallen into this weird rut of over-acting that would look simply silly on other actor.
On Nicholas Cage though, it's fuckin' awesome. I mean, he has seriously hit William Defoe levels of acting skill.
Fuck you, I like William Defoe, especially old school Defoe when he was pretty much mimicking himself acting like James Dean in every movie. Yes I'm talking about Streets of Fire, fuck you in your undercarriage.
Anyway, where was I?
Oh yeah, in Nicky Cage 2: Even Cagier, he absolutely positively kills it. 20% more Cage, even reaching back into from his previous films (such as Kick Ass) to bust out some good ol' performances from that. You remember when Big Daddy burned?
Because I remember when Big Daddy burned. Holy shit, it's one of our most-favorite things to quote, dawg!
Anyway, you have been warned: spoilers ahead.
So they got a new guy to play The Devil, a dude who REALLY doesn't do Peter Fonda justice. Hell, they coulda brought in Al Pacino or Henry Weinstein, shit would've been better...but for now, I'll accept it. Anyway, he makes a deal with a beautiful gypsy woman to save her life from a burning wreckage if she'll bear his son.
Fast-forward a decade or so, and now the Devil wants to collect on the boy for certain purposes. Naturally, mommy doesn't want to so the Devil employs her mercenary ex-boyfriend to track her down, shoot everyone up and bring the boy to him.
During this time a "black, French, drunk priest" (he's actually describe of that alongside "...and kind of an asshole?") merde's his way through some pretty slick motorcycle-and-gunning moments, trying to catch up to the mother and son before the mercs do. We are then treated to some somewhat slick slow-mo gunnin' before the monk is dropped for now.
It's revealed shortly afterwards that Nicholas Cage...I mean, Johnny Blaze...has fled 'Murrika in order to try and control the demon within him. Apparently he's suffered through a slight retcon and now doesn't just wish to seek out and Gary Stu people with his Penance Stare, judging the guilty and such, but the Rider himself now has an ever-present hunger for guilty souls.
Not just "stabbing grannies in the dark" guilty, but jaywalking and little white lies guilty. Apparently this hunger has been growing and in order to try and best the Rider at his own game, Cage...I mean, Blaze...has taken to the desolate areas of Europe in order to keep his distance from other humans.
When in pops our black, French, wine-loving priest (LOL DOUBLE STEREOTYPE~!) who says that his masters can help Blaze if they help him find the boy, whom the Devil must snag before a certain black day of dark prophecy. Four days, to be exact.
He reluctantly agrees but it's not as if he can help it, the Rider is just that THAT conveniently attracted to the stigma of the Devil surrounding the little Damien.
So off he goes, transforming into the Ghost Rider in a sudden burst and....
that's when shit gets AWESOME.
Okay, lemme ruin this much for you. This time around, the Ghost Rider has been changed, design-wise, to reflect that ever-present hunger within him. He moves in ways that are far more ghostly, far more terrifying and unpredictable as hell. You remember the ghosts from the House on Haunted Hill remake? Yeah, like that. Sometimes fast-forwardy, at one point in time he simply spins in mid-air like Trent Reznor in the "Closer" video. Sometimes he ghost-steps towards a target, just suddenly ALL UP in their grill.
And then there's his semi-liquid leather jacket, bubbling like pitch. That's not mentioning the chains which are now WITHIN him, summoned from within the depths of his jacket sleeves. While he no longer has the Penance Stare (the be-all-end-all fuck you if you even have so much as a glimmer of a soul), he DOES have, instead, this Soul Feed ability that just kills people.
Which he rarely needs since all he has to do is flick a human being with the chains and it's ashes to ashes and all that jazz.
Seriously, it's almost a frightening difference since he only ever killed elemental creatures and demonic types in the first movie. In this one, he's ALL about the human body count...which strikes me as being a bit off-putting, but only as a viewer, y'know?
Now, I...I want to tell you guys, I WANT to tell you all about the awesomeness of the movie! How he just ghost jacks a...and...just kills...but....
shit, Shit, SHIT!
Suffice it to say, there's certain scenes that are just so inspired by wicked awesomeness that it's fucking insane. A strip miner is involved, that's all I'm gonna say.
Now, I can see where people can easily complain about this movie, especially if you're not into Nicholas Cage forgetting his Nicholas Cage playing Johnny Storm who is the Ghost Rider and honestly seems to believe that he's Nicholas Cage who is the Ghost Rider. But between the "he's scraping, at the door...HE'S SCRAPING, AT, THE, DOOOOOOOR!!!!" and the dustin' niggas left and right, the movie definitely is a series of action sequences strung together with Nicholas Cage once again losing his shit while transforming, an interesting road trip feel to some of the scenes, and a little boy who is inadvertently the son of the Devil...and you really do get the feeling that he'd rather not be.
AND THEN THERE'S THE HORFING.
There is at least three scenes of horf that goes down, and all three for good reason. One I can tell you about, one I can only hint about, and the third is the most important horf so I can't tell you about it.
Suffice it to say though, a mook fires point-blank into Ghost Rider's "mouth," while all he does is roar and accept the bullets. He closes his jawbone, then horfs liquid metal and hellfire onto the guy's face.
Or was it hellfire and bullets? Either way, horf of death ALL up in that guy's mug.
The second one has to do the chains being forcibly horfed from his mouf, and the last...well, won't talk about it.
Anyway, altogether it's a movie worth a couple of bucks. But then again I also thought Conan the remake was awesome as hell and I still stand by that - it's deservin' of a buy once it hits DVD's, y'knowwhatImean?
As far as Nicholas Cage 2: Now With 20% More Nicholas Cage, I fuckin' dig it. I fuckin' DIG THIS MOVIE man, and yes I suggest to everyone to gather your friends and go watch this shit.
Now, yes we saw this in 3D. The parts that were in 3D were OBVIOUSLY made for it (like the opening cinematic), but the rest would've been absolutely fine in 2D. I still hold to the idea that the 3D does nothing but ramp up ticket prices...but I, admittedly, liked some of the fight sequences in 3D.
It's kinda weird that, y'knowwhatImean?
Here's a trailer for youuuuu~!
Now, yes, there's QUITE A TON I've left out, and have done so on purpose. I'd prefer it if y'all saw it or came to yer own conclusions anyway, plus it doesn't help that the trailer kinda-sorta hints and shows a bunch of what I left out...except the most important parts it doesn't even show.
TRUST me on that one~! Worth the time, worth your time, especially if you're into Nicholas Cage.
P.S. - Funny story, apparently the full movie is ALREADY UP on the Internuggets. It's still gonna sell DVD's. Old Media is still gonna complain and upchuck like babbies. None of us will still give a fuck.
Also, sometimes the Rider just...roars. Just fucking roars. And it is AWESOME! And OH GOD the sheer amount of vehicle gorn going on, just nice-enough lookin' cars and trucks left and right gettin' fucked up and over and out.
AYUP! I'm telling you about http://www.thepenismysword.com even here TOO! AND the re-opening of my blogs and such.
Hmmmm, don't want to just do nothing here. Y'know, I've got a podcast up over at KAOS: Chaos Party Radio. It's a 16 minute rant about The Last Dragon which I had intended to make an audio/written simultaneous post, but instead scrapped it 'cuz I screwed up too much during the rant.
Since it's up over there as a test, might as well put it up HERE anyway, y'know?
Also, here's a reading by me of my own stuff over at Anubis Unit's blog "Legion HQ!"
Well it's KIND of Netflix-related~!
Anyway, see you guys at The Pen Is My Sword, the best way to keep up and follow my blogs, even this one~!
Well, time to get to the bread and butter of Netflix This! Sure, that last television shows on etflix post was pretty cool (and I'm certain some of you aren't even halfway done with 'em. I'm also equally certain that some of you have seen 'em ALL since the last post!), but now it's time I regale you with further things to watch on Netflix.
Shall we? We shall!
Now, as some of you know I've been up and down as of late. The past week can be best described of as a descending slope, but as of yesterday there's been a sharp turn upward and hopefully the trend will continue on through tomorrow. To help speed things along, I watched some sweet, sweet comedies on Netflix and here I am to share them with you today!
Y'know, my adult years may be fraught with suffering and crap, and my parents weren't the best in the world...but they raised me. They actually did, instead of letting the television see to my morals and such.
THANK WHATEVER GOD THAT EXISTS FOR THAT ONE! They may not have been the best people in the world, but they were awesome for what I needed.
And amongst the many things they taught me and allowed me to watch (without having to explain everything at least) was Beetlejuice.
OHHHHHHH Beetlejuice, baby! If you haven't seen this movie, then you REALLY don't know good 80's comedy movies! Dude, I can't suggest Beetlejuice ENOUGH! You want A-list actors? Fuck you, here Michael Keaton, Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis, Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara (MMMMMM, all that ginger!), Jeffrey Jones (HEY KIDS! IT'S OUR FAVORITE PERVERT!), and Sylvia Sidney.
Okay, so A-list for their time~! If you wanna IMDB their names up and gasp at their combined movie weight, go for it. Tim Burton made a completely excellent supernatural-hijinks movie without the use of Johnny Depp, and you should be proud of him for that.
Honestly, I can't give you a decent review of Beetlejuice. I simply am not a good enough writer to do it the kind of justice that I believe it deserves.
So go watch you some Beetlejuice~!
Sadly enough, the equally excellent cartoon wasn't up, but hey - they might finagle a way to get it, y'know? Hell, let's all get together and send 'em e-mails 'bout it! Lord knows I'm gonna...but hey, before you do anything, watch the movie and crow 'bout it~!
Y'know, I remember when Adam Sandler could do no wrong. The dude was funny just standing around and farting. I'd say the same thing about Jim Carrey, except he was able to spin that into actual acting chops and dramatic flair. I mean, the dude went from talking to his ass to co-starring with Zoey Daschenel (The Perfect One), and in my jaded and biased eyes that's as high as you can get in the acting world.
He also got a dentureless blowjob that was apparently the best he ever got, but that's another movie. Plus said movie's title escapes me and I don't know if Netflix has it or not. The MOMENT they do, I'll post 'bout it!
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Back in the day, Adam Sandler was undeniably successful, but his style of humor was an acquired taste, like bean soda or bean pie. Amongst a pack of movies was Billy Madison, where he plays a manchild whose father owns a company. A really big company.
A really rich company that owns a chain of hotels.
Anyway, the old man is gettin' along in his years and wants to pass the company on, but little Billy is a fucking idiot. Seriously, Adam Sandler takes adult retardation and ramps it up into a art form. Drinking, hanging out with his friends, and generally acting like a manchild (instead of, say, Paris Hilton, which is a completely different kind of adult retard), Billy is far from the ideal protege. Still, it's not until a particular employee who's pretty high up the food chain instigates Billy to interrupting a particular business dinner that the old man decides that Billy just isn't the right guy to take over the company and instead declares he's handing it over to said employee.
Billy gets a small reprieve though - if he can work his way up the school grades and graduate from high school over a 24 week period, he regains his status as CEO-to-be.
Yeah, sure. The premise is stupid as shit. But sometimes, that's all you need for a good movie, y'know? And stupid is pretty much Adam Sandler's forte.
Man, get yo shit together, bro! Fire whomever is writing this shit and re-hire whoever wrote your original stuff. We miss you, Sandler.
Speaking about stupid comedies with 80's sensibilities, let's check out the newer Hot Tub Time Machine, yeah? Four dudes (HOLY SHIT KIDS, IT'S JOHN CUSAK, ONE OF THE FEW MEN I WOULDN'T WANT TO TRAP I JUST WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM AND HIS SISTER AT THE SAME TIME!) party their balls off, gets into a Hot Tub that happens to be a Time Machine that sends them back into the 80's with hilarious results.
Annnnnnd that's pretty much the gist of the movie. Awesome homage to 80's bewbage. Watch it, it's good for you. In the very least it's adult John Cusak (WANNA SLEEP WITH HIIIIIM AND HIS SISTER AT THE SAME TIME) rehashing awesome 80's tropes. I may hate rehashes and retcons, but man don't mind homages at all. If the tropes are done well, it'll be good.
SO, moving on to another awesome comedy. I've watched this a number of times, and will watch it again someday soon. I'm talking about Office Space, the movie that made a red stapler the most fucking awesome stapler in the entire world. The movie basically made Dilbert outsourced to anywhere else but America, and really showed us the soulessness of any company that still uses cubicles.
Really, I have yet to see a cubicle that doesn't drain its' inhabitant of their personality, soul, and emotions. Have you?
Hmmmm. Perhaps it's a (CONSPIRACY ALART!) ANCIENT CONSPIRACY OF THE REPTOIDS TO TAKE OVER HUMANITY BY SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF OUR OFFICE WORKERS? (CONSPIRACY END!) Just sayin'...
Last but not least, Super Troopers. Broken Lizard (a comedy group I've never heard of before this movie) has put out a spat of movies that are pretty fuckin' cool, funny, and have thus far resisted National Lampoons from taking over and adding their material to a slew of Pie and College movies.
God, remember when National Lampoons wasn't a part of the corporate machine and was as funny and wonderfully watchable as first generation Saturday Night Live?
God I hate our modern era.
Anyway, what started it off for me was their (apparently) first big-budget movie, Super Troopers.
Drugs, drugs, drugs, criminal activities, highway patrol hijinks that both mirrors and even improves on the old Police Academy formula, perverted germans, stolen cars, high-speed chases, awesome soundtrack, and Farva.
Oh god, Farva.
Out of all the movies presented to you by me, your humble reviewer, this is the one I'm sayin' you have GOT to see! Seriously, it's an experience that's just fuckin' supremely awesome. I mean, seriously - this movie has it ALL for ya!
Fuck everything, here's the list of awesome:
Hot Tub Time Machine
On the next post, I haven't a fucking clue what to post about. I haven't been watchin' a lot of movies, and Ingram's Persona is high on my list of stuff to watch. Maybe I'll go a little arthouse moviefag on you guys in the next post? Meh, we'll see.
P.S. - PIMPIN' OUT!!!
The Pen Is My Sword - Home of Extreme Existence: Battleworld and my collection of poetry, song lyrics (TONS of those still to update), information about my bands, short stories and current projects of mine.
I am a literary fucking warrior.
P.P.S. - HEY, ya wanna hang out with me sometime? Sure you can follow me on Twitter, Google+ and the Facebawks (THOMASDUDER ALL DAY ERR DAY), but you want to REALLY get to know your local, friendly neighborhood Mister The That Bastard? Then come hang out with me at Shittychat!
No, seriously, we're slowly building a community of fun, frivolity, and pretty much hardcore internetizens. Do you honestly believe you have what it takes to survive a Turkish Breakfast? How about a Belgium Steamer? Fuck you, we havea five screens devoted to camwhoring where I personally DJ a list of music I keep on hand for just such an occasion.
We've also got a REAL DJ who pops in, and plenty of the good stuff to go around. Namely pornography and hentai. So are you 18+? Do you like traps as well as anything with a pulse? Hell, you into cyberin'?
Then c'mon in and let's get our groove on to-NIGHT mah nigga.
Awwwwww yeah, it's time baby, oh it is TIME mah nigga! Welcome to a new installment of Netflix This!, brought to you by That Bastard and our good friends over at KAOS: Chaos Party Radio.
Yeah, they're not quite up and running yet, but hey they've already made mention of me so I might as well return the favor, y'know?
Anyway, you're probably here because you'd like a comprehensive list of things to watch on Netflix because you, like so many people on the Internet, have actually asked the question "What should I watch on Netflix?"
Well, you came to the right place. Sadly enough though, I'm going to force you to read my reviews.
SO, on with the reviews! Let's watch some t.v., yeah?
Y'know, the first kind of show I got into recently was the two dudes recounting (and supposedly re-enacting) some of their finest picks, the Laurel and Hardy that runs the show over at American Pickers. A fun kinda show, for me it was all about the discoveries that they unearthed amongst these old wrecks and the kinda expansive housing with all sorts of interesting characters. Ex-carnies, people with multiple barns, hell they had a guy who had throughout his life was systematically buying up parts of his old hometown and had transported it onto his land.
Now if that ain't cool, I don't know what is!
Now, what got me (eventually) was the whole "We picked this item for X amount of dollars, and we value it at X amount!" which is normally in the profit range. Now, it wasn't until I started watching Storage Wars that I damn near STOPPED watching American Pickers, but only out of principle.
Do I suggest it to other people? Oh hell yeah, it's a great show with a coupla clowns who are rich in filthy, rusty old trivia and knowledge and can spot a vintage something-or-other underneath a pile of rubble.
Hell, check 'em out for yerself!
Season 1 - Episode 8, THE WHOLE THING LOL! Enjoy the next 44 minutes...
Now there's this other show that I kinda got into, not THAT majorly but I found it fun enough. In the very least, it looked good late at night while I was back in California, y'know? I'm talkin' about Painkiller Jane.
SO, it's not inexactly mutations or Heroes or anythin'. I've only watched half of the episodes available, and as soon as episode 1 it's all about an obvious manufacturing of powers from a company where the people have somehow gotten out of their cages and are now mingling amongst the townsfolk. A government group is collected in order to find these people, tag 'em and bag 'em ready for collection with no questions asked.
While the group they've collected (practically right outta Leverage: the computer hacker supreme, the bulky-muscled ex-cop with a jaded and dark history, the leader of the group, the doctor, a coupla other people I think) is good enough to get the job done, they come across Jane who's an agent of some sort. Er, a cop? Y'know, to be quite honest Painkiller Jane is one of those shows where I watched pseudo-mindlessly. I enjoyed it while I was watchin' it, but it wasn't really anything that stuck with me.
Oh yeah, and Jane herself has Wolverine Syndrome, the ability to regenerate from death itself. In the very least she can take on wave of bullets and can survive a fifty-foot drop. I guess that's why it doesn't affect me as much as the show should: I don't mind main characters with extreme regenerative powers, but once you've seen it once you've seen it a dozen times.
Besides, Heroes did it better. Seasons 1 and 2 at least, 3 sucked balls (lol writer's strike).
Ahem, moving on. Are you a Trekkie? Did you enjoy Deep Space Nine? Want to watch it again?
Netflix currently has Star Trek Deep Space 9 up. Which episodes you ask?
All of them. The whole damn thing.
That's A LOT of watchin', yo!
You want an example? You don't know what DS9 is? Awwww shit kid, you came to the WRONG fuckin' neighborhood!
Here it is in a nutshell, just for you. You've got amazing actors. You've got the excellent Star Trek setting (shortly after or around The Next Generation), with a stand-alone kinda storyline that fits for the "edge of the known universe." You've got memorable characters. Sorry I can't sum it up any better for ya, but hey there ya go!
Fine then, let's see what I can dig up for you:
Now as good as American Pickers is, it wasn't until Storage Wars that I stopped watching it on the principle of one simple thing: they only tell you what they VALUE it at, not what they sell it at.
Storage Wars follows the "adventures" of four distinct groups of people as they travel about to different storage unit auctions in Southern California. You've got quite the cast of characters, and their interactions are pretty much t.v. gold in my opinion.
Ya got Barry the Collector, easily one of my favorite characters. This older gentleman has some smooth lines, and almost always comes into an auction with a gimmick (he once brought a pair of psychics, he's had a midget friend of his on stilts and night-vision goggles, things of that nature) and he always shows up every episode in a different collector's car or motorcycle of some sort. The guy's got class, and he usually will walk away from an auction if he doesn't find anything "collectible" or with some kind of esoteric value. He's gone out on a limb more than a couple of times though, on nothing but intuition and coming away with even less (there was ONE incredibly funny episode where he bought a unit with what he thought was something valuable, but the only thing valuable was a bunch of used power tools that he couldn't even offload easily), and in a funny way he's actually had to prove himself to the "Storage Clan" the most, even more so than the "Young Gun." Funny story: apparently no one really knows what Barry does, or has done. He's got money, doesn't NEED these storage units for what they have inside of them (in fact, most of the episodes he'll take down to the dump what the thrift store owners would turn around and sell), only for particular items that fascinates him or captures his interest.
Speakin' of which, you have the Young Gun, the rookie of the group. A young, bald white guy by the name of Jarrod who owns a thrift store with his partner and wife, Brandi. More often than not the hijinks that surrounds them is all about Jarrod going head-to-head with one of the bigger dogs and going beyond Brandi's set limits but as the series progresses Brandi becomes more comfortable about letting Jarrod bet up to whatever, and even gets in on the auction action herself. Every now and then she'll also be the one to bet against the others, a tactic that has helped more than once in the past to the tune of, "Wait, who the hell is that? Is that Brandi? Did she just bet me up?" and usually while they're musing and considering, the countdown goes down and they snag the storage.
Coming in third (and one of my favorite characters) is a big-time spender by the name of Darrell. I don't even know what this dude does (it's been suggested that he owns a thrift store as well), but he DEFINITELY appears to be a consummate auction hunter. Some of his most valuable picks have been a comic book collection that was the Holy Grail of the comics world, and he's come across paintings that have sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars. He's also definitely one of the big-time contenders on the show, and is one of the two bigger dogs to watch out for: he's cleared certain episodes so in the black he might as well be in Seal's ass. I'm talkin' 'bout straight-up Amistad black, yo.
And then you have the troll of the group. No, no hear me out: he has nothing but contempt (most of the time) for the rest of the people in the show. He has outright disrespected them to their faces, is wary of Darrel but otherwise will happily (verbally) push the young couple and Barry around. He's the guy who, even though he doesn't WANT your storage unit, will jump in simply to fuck with you and ramp the price up. Hell, that's what he's KNOWN for! The others do it from time to time, but it comes off more like a comfortable hazing ritual or a buddy-buddy elbowing while Dave Hester's comes off as straight-up heckling or, well, flat-out trolling. Seriously, there's more than one moment where I simply went, "Oh you BASTARD!" and he's something of an antagonist to the others.
That's not to say that he doesn't earn the money he's got (normally going head to head with Darrell over some pretty-obviously valuable units), and he DOES have an eye for valuable storage units: in one memorable episode, he snags a unit full of books that he ends up valuing and selling for somethin' like 50 grand or whatever. Still, if he hadn't snagged the unit that no one else wanted than he would've missed out on such a profit, y'know?
Altogether watching them bicker, feud, and even help one another (Barry ended up selling the power tools to Jarrod and Brandi, and Dave, for all that he appears to loathe them, has deigned to give advice from time to time to Jarrod. Darrell seems up for just about anything, and even showed Jarrod that a unit he had gone out on a limb for and thought had nothing but garbage was actually worthwhile - since the safe inside of it had nothing, Jarrod thought it had no value. Darrell pointed out that the safe ITSELF was worth something like 3 to 5 grand. Cash. Money.) I grew to really REALLY like this show. Obviously, I just wrote up somethin' like four or five paragraphs for it. Now, what I find fun is not only their auctioning against each other, but rather what they do with certain key items afterwards, going to specialists and professionals to have them valued and sold. They don't always come in the money, hell quite a few episodes one group or another will walk away without losing or making ANY money, and most of the time at least one of them will actually lose money but will try again next episode. Overall though, it's a guilty pleasure of mine and so fuckin' entertainin' I just had to share it with youse guys!
Anyway, here's a lil' sample for ya:
SO, that was a rather nice post of Netflix This! Hell, in the very least I enjoyed it~! So, did you skip all my blathering and get right down to the nitty-gritty? Well then, here's THE LIST! Just pop these into yer Netflix search bar and forget about every day until two weeks from now:
Star Trek DS9 - OH SHIT SON THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Hope you enjoyed this post! Catch ya 'round 'til next time, eh?
Yeaaaaaap. Have you visited my whoreblog, The Pen Is My Sword? I've got quite a few choice literary pieces over there, including the publicly-released write-ups and poetry that I've done lately and awhile back.
Suffice it to say, it's mah litblog. 'Cuz I honestly believe you guys actually READ my walls of text, and might be willing to sit down and read some of my more meaningful stuff.
Speakin' of which, y'see that link? In case ya don't, check this:
Now, I'm still writin' stuff up. BUUUUUT I've already got the Kraze Armada already completely done for starting values and other nonsuch, and I've begun work on their storyline (as well as suggested map routes). At least canon storyflow (depending on what choices you make) will be written up this way, with the rest added on as I go on.
I know I'm coming at this from the viewpoint of a writer, but that's what I do BEST, y'know? Anyway, I can program myself but I'll eventually come to the Internets, my friends, and you guys - my readers - for help with the artwork and beta-testing and double-checkin' shit.
Until then I want to keep workin' at it and ensurin' that it's at least worth your time to read, y'know? For what it's worth, the Kraze Armada (the "Shotoclone" of the game, not inexactly the main good guys but more than likely the one outside of the Krieg the audience will play first) is already shaping up to be pretty cool. Lord knows if you base it on the characters alone they got more than a couple of my faves, but speakin' as the creator and as biased as I am - yeah, there's a favorite or three of mine in each kingdom, even the Goblinate Forces.
Anyway, this blog post is just to whore out my litblog and also highlight the work I've done on Battleworld thus far. As soon as I can actually afford to go to a restaurant, I shall and, naturally, talk about it first here!
OH, do expect a KAOS: Chaos Party Radio post sometime too! It seems like I DID get mentioned by Da Boys, and they even used some of my material!
Huh, sorry if this seems EXACTLY like my other posts today - I think it's pretty obvious that I'm pointin' all y'all over to TPIMS, y'know?
Well, well, well! Hello there and welcome to yet another thrilling edition of Netflix This! I'm certain by now ALL of you are used to my writing style of WORDS WORDS WORDS, and I sincerely hope that you find this entertaining! Above all though, I'm just here to answer yer question "What should I watch this evening?"
Well, hell...let's make it a whole weekend this time around, eh?!
First and foremost, Demon King Daimao. Good, good, good goddamned good. Why isn't there a sequel series or something to this?! Demon King Daimao is set in a fantasy-ish story setting where people are gettin' over a war or some such with dark powers, having notably destroyed a Demon King.
Which doesn't help things when the main character, Akuto Sai, heads to Constant Magick Academy with the hopes of becoming one of the highest, purest, and most noblest of magicians or priests or whatever...only for their prediction machine (a creature named Yatagarasu - as an ex-YuGiOh player, that name makes me shiver with disgust) to predict that his future occupation is going to be Demon King.
WAH-OH, the slippery slope of tsundere harem gathering only gets greasy from there, friends. With that stated, despite the harem nature of the anime, it's still a great show of violence, mistranslated intentions, and tooooons of "OH SHIT DID I DO THAT?" Ain't gonna ruin it for ya, just go watch yourself some goodness.
Totally rawkin' bewbage always helps any show, naturally.
M'kay, Chrome Shelled Regios Season 1 (parts 1 and 2). I actually watched this awhile back the second time I moved away from Bellingham, and man...this was good. Plus it comes with a Shakesperean story-within-a-story goin' on too. It follows what appears to be a world of desert, where city-states (or "Regios") are mobile throughout the vast wasteland and whenever one comes across another the people within it compete in military games. The winner gets away with more resources of various kinds, and the loser must make do with less...unless they can find and beat another Regios.
But there's more to it than that, the Regios's must also defend themselves against gigantic, and I do mean GIGANTIC, monstrous insect creatures that threaten to devour the inhabitants and multiply further.
If THAT ain't enough, the Regios themselves are controlled by strange artificial intelligent creatures that can manifest in this world as energy beings...and there's a secret group that is out to GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL! The show itself actually follows one particular group at a Regios whose spunky, cute blonde leader (dual-wieldin' for the fuckin' win) is hot to become the number one unit at the Regios. She's hungry for victory and needs one more member...which she gets when a new freshman shows up, one that bears frighteningly high amounts of energy (or whatever it is they use for magic).
The abilities and powers displayed in the show are a weird blending of magic and technology altogether, and the character interaction is both believable and yet anime-esque cute. Oh, and yes there's a tsundere semi-loli. This show is now complete.
Anyway, it's revealed almost off the bat that this guy (I think his name was Lee Leifong or somethin' like that) is an ex-member of an elite group that guards the Empress that rules the world itself, a fighter known as a "Heaven's Blade." Things get quite off-the-charts after that as that cute, spunky blonde starts to enjoy reaping the victories but starts to question her own abilities and those of her comerades, whether or not they're leaning too much on Lee's brutal strength.
AND THEEEN there's the show that pops up from time to time, once per episode, that the characters within THIS show are actually watching. I know it sounds weird, but the show itself is actually even cooler then THIS show, and you come to find out in the end that it may or may not be a parallel universe kinda thing or a prequel. Either way, the show THEY'RE watching is deeefinetly more important than what is let on by the narrative and, to a certain degree, more entertaining. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but if it's a weird tie-in for another show I'm fuckin' sold.
Hell, check it for yourself and see~! Both parts 1 and 2, twenty-four episodes altogether, are currently up and running (still) on Netflix~!
Now that I've rewatched that intro, I gotta admit - I sometimes really REALLY hate that kinda music. Maybe it's the vocals, or the overly unnecessary synth sounds, I dunno...here, instead just go check out the subtitled version Funimation has up and running at teh Jewtoobs, THEN make a decision. 'Cuz maaaan...that opening...
Or just watch the thing on Netflix. 'S why you're here, right?
HMMMMMMMM, shall we enjoy awesome fight scenes, strange powers and a pretty Suikoden-heavy storyline? Darker Than Black Volumes 1-6 - Ooooooh, more cuties with strangely-colored hair, super powers and interdimensional bullshittery. The story is just...I mean the characters...and there's a loli biological (biololical?) version of Dorothy R. Wayneright...and...GAH, I can't even begin to really explain this series except to suggest that you check it out.
Seriously, the lore is fuckin' AWESOME yo.
Seriously, so fucking awesome. That little trailer simply cannot encapsulate the sheer awesome of the fight sequences that went down in that show, SERIOUSLY! Now some of you have seen this series, and are currently sayin' "WHAT THE FUCK BASTARD, WHY AREN'T YOU GIVING THIS A BETTER REVIEW" because I don't want to dilute any of it's awesomeness, fuckhead. Just go check it out, goddamn.
Now currently up on Netflix is Robotech the Complete Series LOL inb4 Weeaboo's yellin at me "IT'S CALLED MACROSS!" I don't care this is how I first watched it you fagort. Do you really REALLY want me to tell you about this series?
No. This is one of the oldest titles in anime history this side of fucking Starblazers and Kimba the White Pride Lion. I refuse to rise to your bait. Instead let's see what I can find...OH GOD, THIS GUY'S VOICE!
Fuck you, EVERY narrator should sound as awesome as this guy!
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG MY CHILDHOOD GODAMMIT! SO MANY HOURS WASTED WATCHING MARATHONS OF THIS MOTHERFUCKER plus my uncle gave us a copy of all the televised episodes (y'know, ROBOTECH) where I first got my taste of anime. To this day, I still find this to be excellent in the voice acting, iconic in the music, and fucking sweet when the battles go down. Of course, I openly admit to being biased when it comes to this subject since I DID see Robotech first instead of Macross.
You should watch High School of the Dead, y'know? 'Cuz we like to masturbate while we watch shows sometimes, don't we?
Don't you fucking lie, you liar. Just admit it, sometimes you like some T-and-A with yer T.V., right? Just so long as your T.V. isn't the only TnA you got goin' on DID YOU SEE THAT WORDPLAY, SON? DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!
So anyway, it's so straightforward it's almost not entertaining. On the other hand, it's a anime version of a zombie apocalypse.
Otaku are involved. Guns are involved. More tits and ass than an episode of Jerry Springer are involved.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM so much jiggling, the breast physics done broke homie.
SO, did you skip my usual bullshit just to see the final line of what I'm suggesting? Well here ya go~! DA LIST:
Demon King Daimao
Chrome Shelled Regios
Darker Than Black
Robotech the Complete Series
High School of the Dead
Well, there ya go~! Enjoy you some time wastin' on Netflix, boys and girls!
P.S. - Next thing I'm gonna bust on y'all is, drumroll please...