Thursday, February 2, 2012

Screw some movies, LET'S WATCH SOME T.V.!

Awwwwww yeah, it's time baby, oh it is TIME mah nigga! Welcome to a new installment of Netflix This!, brought to you by That Bastard and our good friends over at KAOS: Chaos Party Radio.

Yeah, they're not quite up and running yet, but hey they've already made mention of me so I might as well return the favor, y'know?

Anyway, you're probably here because you'd like a comprehensive list of things to watch on Netflix because you, like so many people on the Internet, have actually asked the question "What should I watch on Netflix?"

Well, you came to the right place. Sadly enough though, I'm going to force you to read my reviews.


SO, on with the reviews! Let's watch some t.v., yeah?

Y'know, the first kind of show I got into recently was the two dudes recounting (and supposedly re-enacting) some of their finest picks, the Laurel and Hardy that runs the show over at American Pickers. A fun kinda show, for me it was all about the discoveries that they unearthed amongst these old wrecks and the kinda expansive housing with all sorts of interesting characters. Ex-carnies, people with multiple barns, hell they had a guy who had throughout his life was systematically buying up parts of his old hometown and had transported it onto his land.

Now if that ain't cool, I don't know what is!

Now, what got me (eventually) was the whole "We picked this item for X amount of dollars, and we value it at X amount!" which is normally in the profit range. Now, it wasn't until I started watching Storage Wars that I damn near STOPPED watching American Pickers, but only out of principle.

Do I suggest it to other people? Oh hell yeah, it's a great show with a coupla clowns who are rich in filthy, rusty old trivia and knowledge and can spot a vintage something-or-other underneath a pile of rubble.

Hell, check 'em out for yerself!

Season 1 - Episode 8, THE WHOLE THING LOL! Enjoy the next 44 minutes...

Now there's this other show that I kinda got into, not THAT majorly but I found it fun enough. In the very least, it looked good late at night while I was back in California, y'know? I'm talkin' about Painkiller Jane.

SO, it's not inexactly mutations or Heroes or anythin'. I've only watched half of the episodes available, and as soon as episode 1 it's all about an obvious manufacturing of powers from a company where the people have somehow gotten out of their cages and are now mingling amongst the townsfolk. A government group is collected in order to find these people, tag 'em and bag 'em ready for collection with no questions asked.

While the group they've collected (practically right outta Leverage: the computer hacker supreme, the bulky-muscled ex-cop with a jaded and dark history, the leader of the group, the doctor, a coupla other people I think) is good enough to get the job done, they come across Jane who's an agent of some sort. Er, a cop? Y'know, to be quite honest Painkiller Jane is one of those shows where I watched pseudo-mindlessly. I enjoyed it while I was watchin' it, but it wasn't really anything that stuck with me.

Oh yeah, and Jane herself has Wolverine Syndrome, the ability to regenerate from death itself. In the very least she can take on wave of bullets and can survive a fifty-foot drop. I guess that's why it doesn't affect me as much as the show should: I don't mind main characters with extreme regenerative powers, but once you've seen it once you've seen it a dozen times.

Besides, Heroes did it better. Seasons 1 and 2 at least, 3 sucked balls (lol writer's strike).

Ahem, moving on. Are you a Trekkie? Did you enjoy Deep Space Nine? Want to watch it again?

Netflix currently has Star Trek Deep Space 9 up. Which episodes you ask?

All of them. The whole damn thing.

That's A LOT of watchin', yo!

You want an example? You don't know what DS9 is? Awwww shit kid, you came to the WRONG fuckin' neighborhood!

Here it is in a nutshell, just for you. You've got amazing actors. You've got the excellent Star Trek setting (shortly after or around The Next Generation), with a stand-alone kinda storyline that fits for the "edge of the known universe." You've got memorable characters. Sorry I can't sum it up any better for ya, but hey there ya go!

Fine then, let's see what I can dig up for you:

Now as good as American Pickers is, it wasn't until Storage Wars that I stopped watching it on the principle of one simple thing: they only tell you what they VALUE it at, not what they sell it at.

Storage Wars follows the "adventures" of four distinct groups of people as they travel about to different storage unit auctions in Southern California. You've got quite the cast of characters, and their interactions are pretty much t.v. gold in my opinion.

Ya got Barry the Collector, easily one of my favorite characters. This older gentleman has some smooth lines, and almost always comes into an auction with a gimmick (he once brought a pair of psychics, he's had a midget friend of his on stilts and night-vision goggles, things of that nature) and he always shows up every episode in a different collector's car or motorcycle of some sort. The guy's got class, and he usually will walk away from an auction if he doesn't find anything "collectible" or with some kind of esoteric value. He's gone out on a limb more than a couple of times though, on nothing but intuition and coming away with even less (there was ONE incredibly funny episode where he bought a unit with what he thought was something valuable, but the only thing valuable was a bunch of used power tools that he couldn't even offload easily), and in a funny way he's actually had to prove himself to the "Storage Clan" the most, even more so than the "Young Gun." Funny story: apparently no one really knows what Barry does, or has done. He's got money, doesn't NEED these storage units for what they have inside of them (in fact, most of the episodes he'll take down to the dump what the thrift store owners would turn around and sell), only for particular items that fascinates him or captures his interest.

Speakin' of which, you have the Young Gun, the rookie of the group. A young, bald white guy by the name of Jarrod who owns a thrift store with his partner and wife, Brandi. More often than not the hijinks that surrounds them is all about Jarrod going head-to-head with one of the bigger dogs and going beyond Brandi's set limits but as the series progresses Brandi becomes more comfortable about letting Jarrod bet up to whatever, and even gets in on the auction action herself. Every now and then she'll also be the one to bet against the others, a tactic that has helped more than once in the past to the tune of, "Wait, who the hell is that? Is that Brandi? Did she just bet me up?" and usually while they're musing and considering, the countdown goes down and they snag the storage.

Coming in third (and one of my favorite characters) is a big-time spender by the name of Darrell. I don't even know what this dude does (it's been suggested that he owns a thrift store as well), but he DEFINITELY appears to be a consummate auction hunter. Some of his most valuable picks have been a comic book collection that was the Holy Grail of the comics world, and he's come across paintings that have sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars. He's also definitely one of the big-time contenders on the show, and is one of the two bigger dogs to watch out for: he's cleared certain episodes so in the black he might as well be in Seal's ass. I'm talkin' 'bout straight-up Amistad black, yo.

And then you have the troll of the group. No, no hear me out: he has nothing but contempt (most of the time) for the rest of the people in the show. He has outright disrespected them to their faces, is wary of Darrel but otherwise will happily (verbally) push the young couple and Barry around. He's the guy who, even though he doesn't WANT your storage unit, will jump in simply to fuck with you and ramp the price up. Hell, that's what he's KNOWN for! The others do it from time to time, but it comes off more like a comfortable hazing ritual or a buddy-buddy elbowing while Dave Hester's comes off as straight-up heckling or, well, flat-out trolling. Seriously, there's more than one moment where I simply went, "Oh you BASTARD!" and he's something of an antagonist to the others.

That's not to say that he doesn't earn the money he's got (normally going head to head with Darrell over some pretty-obviously valuable units), and he DOES have an eye for valuable storage units: in one memorable episode, he snags a unit full of books that he ends up valuing and selling for somethin' like 50 grand or whatever. Still, if he hadn't snagged the unit that no one else wanted than he would've missed out on such a profit, y'know?

Altogether watching them bicker, feud, and even help one another (Barry ended up selling the power tools to Jarrod and Brandi, and Dave, for all that he appears to loathe them, has deigned to give advice from time to time to Jarrod. Darrell seems up for just about anything, and even showed Jarrod that a unit he had gone out on a limb for and thought had nothing but garbage was actually worthwhile - since the safe inside of it had nothing, Jarrod thought it had no value. Darrell pointed out that the safe ITSELF was worth something like 3 to 5 grand. Cash. Money.) I grew to really REALLY like this show. Obviously, I just wrote up somethin' like four or five paragraphs for it. Now, what I find fun is not only their auctioning against each other, but rather what they do with certain key items afterwards, going to specialists and professionals to have them valued and sold. They don't always come in the money, hell quite a few episodes one group or another will walk away without losing or making ANY money, and most of the time at least one of them will actually lose money but will try again next episode. Overall though, it's a guilty pleasure of mine and so fuckin' entertainin' I just had to share it with youse guys!

Anyway, here's a lil' sample for ya:

SO, that was a rather nice post of Netflix This! Hell, in the very least I enjoyed it~! So, did you skip all my blathering and get right down to the nitty-gritty? Well then, here's THE LIST! Just pop these into yer Netflix search bar and forget about every day until two weeks from now:

American Pickers
Storage Wars
Painkiller Jane

Hope you enjoyed this post! Catch ya 'round 'til next time, eh?


  1. I need to watch more tv.

    1. lol t.v. on Netflix.

      No commercials (depending on the source material - sometimes you get a minor blurb), just pure fuckin' good.

  2. haha i like american pickers sometimes and star trek is always good
    sometimes you gotta break away from netflix for tv

  3. Netflix has television shows.

    You are now free from commercials and the corporate machine that is old media (mostly). Yer welcome, bro.

  4. "Storage Wars"? A friend of mine loves that show.