Friday, February 10, 2012

Uphold Thine 80's Sensibilities!

Well, time to get to the bread and butter of Netflix This! Sure, that last television shows on etflix post was pretty cool (and I'm certain some of you aren't even halfway done with 'em. I'm also equally certain that some of you have seen 'em ALL since the last post!), but now it's time I regale you with further things to watch on Netflix.

Shall we? We shall!

Now, as some of you know I've been up and down as of late. The past week can be best described of as a descending slope, but as of yesterday there's been a sharp turn upward and hopefully the trend will continue on through tomorrow. To help speed things along, I watched some sweet, sweet comedies on Netflix and here I am to share them with you today!

Y'know, my adult years may be fraught with suffering and crap, and my parents weren't the best in the world...but they raised me. They actually did, instead of letting the television see to my morals and such.

THANK WHATEVER GOD THAT EXISTS FOR THAT ONE! They may not have been the best people in the world, but they were awesome for what I needed.

And amongst the many things they taught me and allowed me to watch (without having to explain everything at least) was Beetlejuice.

OHHHHHHH Beetlejuice, baby! If you haven't seen this movie, then you REALLY don't know good 80's comedy movies! Dude, I can't suggest Beetlejuice ENOUGH! You want A-list actors? Fuck you, here Michael Keaton, Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis, Winona Ryder, Catherine O'Hara (MMMMMM, all that ginger!), Jeffrey Jones (HEY KIDS! IT'S OUR FAVORITE PERVERT!), and Sylvia Sidney.

Okay, so A-list for their time~! If you wanna IMDB their names up and gasp at their combined movie weight, go for it. Tim Burton made a completely excellent supernatural-hijinks movie without the use of Johnny Depp, and you should be proud of him for that.

Honestly, I can't give you a decent review of Beetlejuice. I simply am not a good enough writer to do it the kind of justice that I believe it deserves.

So go watch you some Beetlejuice~!

Sadly enough, the equally excellent cartoon wasn't up, but hey - they might finagle a way to get it, y'know? Hell, let's all get together and send 'em e-mails 'bout it! Lord knows I'm gonna...but hey, before you do anything, watch the movie and crow 'bout it~!

Y'know, I remember when Adam Sandler could do no wrong. The dude was funny just standing around and farting. I'd say the same thing about Jim Carrey, except he was able to spin that into actual acting chops and dramatic flair. I mean, the dude went from talking to his ass to co-starring with Zoey Daschenel (The Perfect One), and in my jaded and biased eyes that's as high as you can get in the acting world.

He also got a dentureless blowjob that was apparently the best he ever got, but that's another movie. Plus said movie's title escapes me and I don't know if Netflix has it or not. The MOMENT they do, I'll post 'bout it!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Back in the day, Adam Sandler was undeniably successful, but his style of humor was an acquired taste, like bean soda or bean pie. Amongst a pack of movies was Billy Madison, where he plays a manchild whose father owns a company. A really big company.

A really rich company that owns a chain of hotels.

Anyway, the old man is gettin' along in his years and wants to pass the company on, but little Billy is a fucking idiot. Seriously, Adam Sandler takes adult retardation and ramps it up into a art form. Drinking, hanging out with his friends, and generally acting like a manchild (instead of, say, Paris Hilton, which is a completely different kind of adult retard), Billy is far from the ideal protege. Still, it's not until a particular employee who's pretty high up the food chain instigates Billy to interrupting a particular business dinner that the old man decides that Billy just isn't the right guy to take over the company and instead declares he's handing it over to said employee.

Billy gets a small reprieve though - if he can work his way up the school grades and graduate from high school over a 24 week period, he regains his status as CEO-to-be.

Yeah, sure. The premise is stupid as shit. But sometimes, that's all you need for a good movie, y'know? And stupid is pretty much Adam Sandler's forte.

Especially today.

Man, get yo shit together, bro! Fire whomever is writing this shit and re-hire whoever wrote your original stuff. We miss you, Sandler.

Speaking about stupid comedies with 80's sensibilities, let's check out the newer Hot Tub Time Machine, yeah? Four dudes (HOLY SHIT KIDS, IT'S JOHN CUSAK, ONE OF THE FEW MEN I WOULDN'T WANT TO TRAP I JUST WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM AND HIS SISTER AT THE SAME TIME!) party their balls off, gets into a Hot Tub that happens to be a Time Machine that sends them back into the 80's with hilarious results.

Annnnnnd that's pretty much the gist of the movie. Awesome homage to 80's bewbage. Watch it, it's good for you. In the very least it's adult John Cusak (WANNA SLEEP WITH HIIIIIM AND HIS SISTER AT THE SAME TIME) rehashing awesome 80's tropes. I may hate rehashes and retcons, but man don't mind homages at all. If the tropes are done well, it'll be good.

SO, moving on to another awesome comedy. I've watched this a number of times, and will watch it again someday soon. I'm talking about Office Space, the movie that made a red stapler the most fucking awesome stapler in the entire world. The movie basically made Dilbert outsourced to anywhere else but America, and really showed us the soulessness of any company that still uses cubicles.

Really, I have yet to see a cubicle that doesn't drain its' inhabitant of their personality, soul, and emotions. Have you?

Hmmmm. Perhaps it's a (CONSPIRACY ALART!) ANCIENT CONSPIRACY OF THE REPTOIDS TO TAKE OVER HUMANITY BY SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF OUR OFFICE WORKERS? (CONSPIRACY END!) Just sayin'...

Last but not least, Super Troopers. Broken Lizard (a comedy group I've never heard of before this movie) has put out a spat of movies that are pretty fuckin' cool, funny, and have thus far resisted National Lampoons from taking over and adding their material to a slew of Pie and College movies.

God, remember when National Lampoons wasn't a part of the corporate machine and was as funny and wonderfully watchable as first generation Saturday Night Live?

God I hate our modern era.

Anyway, what started it off for me was their (apparently) first big-budget movie, Super Troopers.

Funny.

As.

Fuck.

Drugs, drugs, drugs, criminal activities, highway patrol hijinks that both mirrors and even improves on the old Police Academy formula, perverted germans, stolen cars, high-speed chases, awesome soundtrack, and Farva.

Oh god, Farva.

Out of all the movies presented to you by me, your humble reviewer, this is the one I'm sayin' you have GOT to see! Seriously, it's an experience that's just fuckin' supremely awesome. I mean, seriously - this movie has it ALL for ya!

Fuck everything, here's the list of awesome:

Beetlejuice
Billy Madison
Hot Tub Time Machine
Office Space
Super Troopers

On the next post, I haven't a fucking clue what to post about. I haven't been watchin' a lot of movies, and Ingram's Persona is high on my list of stuff to watch. Maybe I'll go a little arthouse moviefag on you guys in the next post? Meh, we'll see.

Sincerely,

That Bastard

P.S. - PIMPIN' OUT!!!

The Pen Is My Sword - Home of Extreme Existence: Battleworld and my collection of poetry, song lyrics (TONS of those still to update), information about my bands, short stories and current projects of mine.
http://thepenismysword.blogspot.com

I am a literary fucking warrior.

P.P.S. - HEY, ya wanna hang out with me sometime? Sure you can follow me on Twitter, Google+ and the Facebawks (THOMASDUDER ALL DAY ERR DAY), but you want to REALLY get to know your local, friendly neighborhood Mister The That Bastard? Then come hang out with me at Shittychat!

http://www.shittychat.com
http://whyismyperiodbrown.com

No, seriously, we're slowly building a community of fun, frivolity, and pretty much hardcore internetizens. Do you honestly believe you have what it takes to survive a Turkish Breakfast? How about a Belgium Steamer? Fuck you, we havea five screens devoted to camwhoring where I personally DJ a list of music I keep on hand for just such an occasion.

We've also got a REAL DJ who pops in, and plenty of the good stuff to go around. Namely pornography and hentai. So are you 18+? Do you like traps as well as anything with a pulse? Hell, you into cyberin'?

Then c'mon in and let's get our groove on to-NIGHT mah nigga.

See you in the chat room~!

6 comments:

  1. super troopers is the lulz
    Black Dynamite would crack super troopers with his panther fist tho.

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  2. Y'know, I haven't SEEN Black Dynamite still~! I had a chance when it was on streaming, but I never did, figuring I'd watch it the next week or somethin', and then it went to DVD.

    Freakin' Netflix.

    Meh, I'll get a chance sometime to see it.

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  3. I also believe that Billy Madison was a flop. There were funny elements in there, but it was so hash-rehash that the only luster left at the end was the butler's ability to appear out of nowhere.

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    Replies
    1. Huh, maybe I'm the only one who found it even slightly entertaining. Wouldn't be surprised, it's a movie with a crap premise and it's about a retarded, rich, spoiled manchild.

      Yet I still laugh like a retard when I watch it.

      True moviefag cred, yo. My artfaggotry is composed of pure street cred.

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