Sunday, June 17, 2012

Hot and Current, "Men in Black 3"

Ugh. So. Yeah.

How the fuck to do THIS great 'un without giving out spoilers that possibly aren't already out there? I mean..it, like, JUST practically dropped, all hot and delicious in the worlds' lap.

And then me and a small crew of our peoples went to Sharis and had awesome burgers and pie a la mode afterwards.

Strawberry Rhubarb pie. Golden vanilla ice cream.

I then had a slice of delicious tuxedo mousse cake later on that night because nothin' like the threat of diabetes to make one feel truly alive, y'know? Especially after a day like that.

So. I got home, had cake, snuggled up a hottie, then went to bed and slept for ten hours. I then woke up and had a pretty good day today as well.

The end.

....I mean, then I wrote these blogs, but yeah you get the point.

So. What does any of this have to do with MiB3?

Well...picture, if you will, a movie. A good movie. Practically back to back with another REALLY great movie (The Avengers) that it actually overtook in the box office sales, and for good point.

The comic geek in us (me and my friends) is enraged, but everyone pretty much agrees: yeah. This fuckin' movie.

This fuckin' movie right here?

It's GOOD. It DESERVED to overtake The Avengers as the number one movie in 'Murrica.

Okay, MiB 1 set the bar. MiB 2 was all about the alien gimmicks (worm guys, Frank, the villain and the alien princess) and the comedic drama of bringing Agent K back into the force, all that good shit. It wasn't BAD, despite the haterade it acquired, especially for those of us who watched the cartoons - there were shoutouts aplenty, and the Worm Guys are pretty much the epitome of asshole, douchebag broism.

MiB3 is that sweet spot, that super soft sweet spot right between the ribs, where you slide the blade up and wiggle it a little and watch as the light is snuffed out of their eyes, like a candle in a howling wind.

Just enough alien gimmicks to make it fun, just enough gidgets-gadgets to make it awesome, just enough of a balance of comedy and action to make it awesome, with more then a few touches of drama. Just a touch, just enough to heighten the rest of the fun, y'know?

The storywriting itself was somewhat compelling (fuck you if you didn't like that dialogue, ESPECIALLY anytime Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones, or Will Smith was on the screen at any point in time), the time travel lacked paradoxes and was stable as fuck, and the villain. THE VILLAIN!

WHO THE FUCK WAS THE GUY WHO PLAYED BORIS HOLY SHIT HE WAS BADASSED! And his bike. I WANT HIS BIIIIIKE!

The music wasn't anything to scream about, staying to the tried-and-true sounds of previous MiB's...but y'know what? That's not a bad thing. If it ain't broke, don't fuck it up by getting rid of Danny Elfman and getting that other guy. Y'know, that other guuuuuy. From the Toy Story movies. Yeah, him. Randy Newman.

Y'know what? How CAN I do a Hot and Current without ruining this? Woll Smoth in absolute top form. Tommy Lee Jones in absolute top form. Josh Brolin in absolute Tommy Lee Jones form (seriously, did he sleep in his fucking SKIN like a goddamn Edgar suit in order to pull off his speech patterns, brick face, and everything else?)? Should I point out the strangely James Bondish moment...

No, that'd ruin it.

Should I point out about Zedd....

No, that'd ruin it.

Should I talk about the opening scene where Boris...or...

...y'know what? Fuck it. Go watch this movie.

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

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