Sunday, July 22, 2012

Hot and Current, "The Amazing Spiderman"

Andrew Garfield is the greatest actor of all time. That is all.

...wait, what? Review? Oh, oh...oh yeah.

Fine, I'll give a review since that's what yer here for, right? Right!

SO, the Amazing Spiderman. I actually went in with a little bit of hate ready, my mad set to maximum immediately for retcons and sequels. Then it was pointed out to me that this isn't a retcon OR a sequel but based on the comics The Amazing Spiderman. Taking my derp hat off, I remembered then that there is indeed such a comic series, wherein Peter Parker wall-crawls more, acts like more of a spider, and needs artificial web shooters and webbing.

Well, screw it...I'm still mad that it's Gwen Stacy for the romantic interest and not Mary Jane.

So with all that stated, I go into the movie with half a head of mad and somewhat expecting a good movie...and what I got was a good fuckin' movie!

Now, I KNOOOOOOW other reviewers (whom I will not name, suffice it to say I looked and so can you) are proclaiming Toby McGuire's Spidey to be superior, but here's my thing 'bout it...

Toby McGuire was good for one and a half movies, then everything went sideways quick, fast, and in a freakin' hurry. ESPECIALLY 3.

Let's not talk about it, it doesn't exist.

Now, this might STILL go sideways if they DO make sequels and they try to deviate that badly from canon. So long as they keep doin' what they doin' (BRING BACK MARTIN SHEEN, I DON'T CARE HOW OH GOD BEST BEN PARKER EVAR!), the sequels should end up bein' okay.

Now, I put it forth to you that Andrew Garfield as Spiderman is, actually, superior to Toby McGuire's. It's not hard to fuck up Spiderman, you got the glib, the powers, and a little panache in your moves. I don't blame Toby for making his Spiderman less arachnid and more brawler in his attacks and such, but...

Man, did they REALLY ramp up the insect-nature of Spiderman in this movie!

Now, with the mask on Andrew Garfield just IS Spiderman. Seeing the people of New York back him up makes it feel even more like a Spidey comic, y'knowwhatImean?

And theeeeen he takes off the mask and acts as Peter Parker.

Andrew Garfrield is the greatest actor ever because the dude honestly made me believe he had autism.

Like, I honestly google'd that shit two days later in order to see if he had autism or not, and if so how the fuck was he able to act so awesomely with the mask on. Turns out he translated Peter Parker's "nerdy social nervousness" into "full-blown autismals," to the point that I honestly freakin' believed he was autistic.

And Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy? Jesus Christ, this woman! She's currently in my top five celebrities I wish to sell my soul to (Michelle Trachtenberg, Salma Hayek, Jessica Alba, Christine Hendricks, and now Emma Stone), and will probably stay there until she dyes her hair or somethin' - as a blonde, her huge eyes are just soooo freakin' expressive. And seein' Flash get whupped up on and humiliated is just awesome, though it's supposed to be the lesson where he learns great power, great responsibility and all that jazz.

Did I mention Sally Field and Martin Sheen as Aunt May and Uncle Ben? Holy CRAP are they believable too! To the point where each time Uncle Ben is referenced it's just a square shot to the balls/heart.


Now, the combat sequences. My GOD, talk about the highlight of the movie! Spiderman has more web-based moves and wall-crawling attacks then I ever remember in the "original" trilogy, including at one point in time just ballin' up the Lizard like he's packing away somethin' for his kids to feast upon after they hatch. Like, seriously, just web shots all over the place then crawls all over him lacing him down with more webbing.

It's truly an awesome sight to behold, and watching him evade and dodge using the web-slinging is amazing...and did I mention the freefalling feel of free movement and web-slinging? Jesus Christ, that's awesome.

Y'know, there's a running gag between me and my homeboy Ace (Danger Combo 2012, that whenever he slings web against things that are obviously higher than a skyscraper, then it's a cloud from Lukito before he's able to wake up and start throwing Spineys at Mario.

Go ahead. Google up that reference. I'll give ya a minute.

Suffice it to say, like Lukito just wakes up and "Yawwwwwn I wonder how many times I'm gonna splatter Mario today OH MY FUCKING GOD!" as Spiderman slings off of him with a "Hey, can I borrow this cloud?"

Yeah. At least in THIS movie he actually slings off of a helicopter, which makes more sense.

There's moments where you'll honestly cry, moments where you'll cheer for Peter as he awkwardly and autistically stumbles around high school and being a superhero, and other times when you're going to just roar and cheer as he whups ass as Spiderman.

'S a good movie, mang. Go watch yourself some.


~That Bastard

P.S. - My Netflix is up and running again, did I mention that? Just trying to figure out a pattern I can work with again, then I can start postin' up lists again.

Want a suggestion? I watched a few movies recently that were pretty freakin' sweet. Like, Mutant Zombie Vampires from the Hood freakin' sweet. Like I went in expecting bullshit and pretty much got wowed after paying attention to it.

The Signal is also a great one to check out. Go watch it. Enjoy~!