I know it's been awhile, so I hope you don't mind if I just jump right in without preamble, yes?
It's a lazy Sunday, and you've got yer Netflix revved up. Time for some good shit.
Devil's Carnvial - HOOOOOO BOY! The guy's who collaborated
and did Repo: The Genetic Opera brings ya this short experimental horror
movie about three souls who end up in Hell, which is apparently a
carnival run for the Devil's amusement. Just their luck, "The Boss"
decides to join in on the fun that night.
Suffice it to say, it's
exactly what you think it's gonna be. The colors are ghoulish and it's
a carnival in Hell. The music is fuckin' choice, and each musician and
actor brings their own flavor to the stage. Ultimately, it's
palate-pleasing and an entertaining way of enjoying "a shade under an
hour" on Netflix, y'know?
It also stars Emilie Autumn. Y'don't
know who that is? Well, go check out my newest Sooth(e) Your Freaking
Beast and check out the only song I know of hers, "Opheliac."
Hannah Minx (weeaboo with quite a large set of personalities,
e-celebrity, and hasn't decided to do porn yet to my dismay) is in it
too, but hell...that ain't as cool as Emilie Autumn as The Painted Doll.
can you say Bill Moseley? And I swear to god, one of those guys is
Voltaire, though I might be wrong on that one. There's also quite a few
people from Repo in on this one (Ogre who played the delightful
face-wearing rapist Pavi Largo, Paul Sorvino, just...a whole buncha
mofos), so you KNOW it's gotta be somewhat good~! Suffice it to say,
you should go watch it.
Bless America - A man who still believes in old American
values like decency and honor goes on a Falling Down like rampage and
starts killing "celebrities" and talking heads.
Suffice it to say, it's the movie we NEED, dammit. D:<
this is a wonderful way of pointing out that we, as a civilization,
have pretty much lost our way, all wrapped up in a Bonnie and Clyde
story. At least I dug it.
It may not be your cup of tea, but it certainly is MINE~!
won't even tell you 'bout the teenaged girl who joins in on his killing
spree - I honestly don't wanna give away too much of this movie.
BUT, you can certainly check out the trailer yer damn self, make up yer mind and either watch it or not. :D
Tamara - Hmmmm. It's hard to describe, this one. You guys ever seen Jennifer's Body?
Well, this is what happens if Jennifer's Body ever took itself seriously.
Seriously, guys. Super cereal.
Well, I guess it's not BAD...I mean, it's not GOOD, but it's not BAD either. Ultimately, so-so.
girl is picked on, has an unrequited love of one of her teachers, and
is bullied to the point where she's accidentally killed during a prank
gone horribly wrong. She comes back from the dead armed with black,
demonic magic and exacts her vengeance, either pushing them to kill
themselves or possessing them and having them enact her horrible plans.
INCLUDING enchanting two of her murderers to engage in gay sex for her amusement.
I thought that part was actually pretty fuckin' entertainin' - they
were both "bros," and were askin' for it the entire goddamn movie. :D
SO. Dig the trailer, yo:
The Woman - Nell meets the Brady Bunch meets every horror thriller evar.
so this Mitt Romney type with a family more fucked up than the Brady
Bunch finds a wild woman in the forest with a bullet hole in her ass.
So he decides to tie her fine, filthy ass up in the basement and ropes
his whole family in to the care of her.
Except his daughter is
pregnant, by him. His wife is suffering SEVERELY from beaten spouse
syndrome, and he's raising his son to be a serial rapist and woman
beater, just like dear old Dad!
Seriously, watching the perfect
facade of this family crumble like so much dust...yeah, this shit is
psychotic, yet entertaining to watch.
Suffice it to
say, the whole movie is fairly intriguing to watch, if anything to see
how this fucked up family deals with the wild beast woman. And the
I haven't even TOLD you about the most fucked up parts of this movie. You have GOT to check it out~! The
Signal - Oh man, checking my backlog I seem to be really into
horror movies. The worst part is that it's not like I'm all "HURRDURR
FEAR.NET 24/7 DERPDERPDERP," it's just I never realized there was SO
MANY horror movies out there I haven't seen! Like, I used to watch
Fear.net on Comcast and such, I mean who hasn't? But Netflix has...jus
SO MANY FUCKING horror movies, both indie and good, b-rated and
horrible, all sorts and types.
So, I'll watch, like, three horror movies in a row...then queue up six of them. Eventually they gotta run out of 'em, right?
The Signal. T.V.'s, radios, cell phones, smart phones, tablets,
anything and everything electronic fucks up the human brain and causes
all sorts of fucked up shit to happen, basically plunging civilizatio
into pure and utter anarchy overnight.
It's actually a GREAT
movie composed of multiple vignettes chronicling a few of the characters
who go through this shit...including a wife and her lover attempting to
escape a jealously murderous husband (though, to be fair he was both
jealous and apparently murderous BEFORE the static-control) at the
center of these vignettes.
Either way, the whole thing flows very
well, and it's not just your boring "slashy slashy, stabby stabby" but
all the myriad ways of executing murder, and the thought processes (both
faulty and static-controlled) that lay behind them.
though, that's bein' too cerbreal 'bout it: it's a movie about people
everywhere becoming psychos overnight, and pretty much everyone is
crazy. To me, that's fuckin' FUN right there.
Check it out, dig it, lemme know watcha think:
Slither - OH HOLY HELL THIS MOVIE, THIS FUCKIN' MOVIE MAN.
DID YOU LIKE FEAST? WELL YOU'LL FUCKIN' LOVE SLITHER!!!!
OH. OH GOD. OH GOD THIS MOVIE. DISGUSTING MONSTER EFFECTS. AWESOME SPECIAL EFFECTS. A HORROR MOVIE TO LAST THE AGES~!
I MEAN, LOOK AT THE TRAILER, JUST LOOK!!!!!
OH GOD, I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!
SO! Have you Ctrl+F'd and typed in "The List?" Well, here is The List, ready for your perusal:
The Devil's Carnival
God Bless America
the next update of Netflix This, I've got a bit more horror for ya, and
a movie or two that's more on the lines of action-y and comedy, perhaps
even a little...romantic?
...or, if I haven't done an artsy-fartsy artfag post, that'll be the one. Expect true cinema artistry in the next 'un~!
- I just opened up the Authors Page for my work over at Facebook.
Gimme a like and a shoutout, yeah? Spread it around to yer friends, let
'em know The Man In Black, That Bastard From Bellingham, Thomas Duder
Hisgoddamnself, is slingin' that hot paper.
I got novellas for yer ass, son. More action-adventure then you ever knew you CRAVED~!
The Generalist - Taboo 0 is free forever now over at Smashwords, and
Taboo 1 is official, up and ready for sale at both Amazon and Smashwords
at a buck fifty.