Sunday, November 4, 2012

A Little Bit Late For October...

I know it's been awhile, so I hope you don't mind if I just jump right in without preamble, yes?

It's a lazy Sunday, and you've got yer Netflix revved up.  Time for some good shit.

The Devil's Carnvial - HOOOOOO BOY!  The guy's who collaborated and did Repo: The Genetic Opera brings ya this short experimental horror movie about three souls who end up in Hell, which is apparently a carnival run for the Devil's amusement.  Just their luck, "The Boss" decides to join in on the fun that night.

Suffice it to say, it's exactly what you think it's gonna be.  The colors are ghoulish and it's a carnival in Hell.  The music is fuckin' choice, and each musician and actor brings their own flavor to the stage.  Ultimately, it's palate-pleasing and an entertaining way of enjoying "a shade under an hour" on Netflix, y'know?

It also stars Emilie Autumn.  Y'don't know who that is?  Well, go check out my newest Sooth(e) Your Freaking Beast and check out the only song I know of hers, "Opheliac."

Supposedly Hannah Minx (weeaboo with quite a large set of personalities, e-celebrity, and hasn't decided to do porn yet to my dismay) is in it too, but hell...that ain't as cool as Emilie Autumn as The Painted Doll.

Also, can you say Bill Moseley?  And I swear to god, one of those guys is Voltaire, though I might be wrong on that one.  There's also quite a few people from Repo in on this one (Ogre who played the delightful face-wearing rapist Pavi Largo, Paul Sorvino, just...a whole buncha mofos), so you KNOW it's gotta be somewhat good~!  Suffice it to say, you should go watch it.

TRAILERRRRRR!



God Bless America - A man who still believes in old American values like decency and honor goes on a Falling Down like rampage and starts killing "celebrities" and talking heads.

Suffice it to say, it's the movie we NEED, dammit. D:<

Seriously, this is a wonderful way of pointing out that we, as a civilization, have pretty much lost our way, all wrapped up in a Bonnie and Clyde story.  At least I dug it.

It may not be your cup of tea, but it certainly is MINE~!

I won't even tell you 'bout the teenaged girl who joins in on his killing spree - I honestly don't wanna give away too much of this movie.

BUT, you can certainly check out the trailer yer damn self, make up yer mind and either watch it or not. :D




Tamara - Hmmmm.  It's hard to describe, this one.  You guys ever seen Jennifer's Body?

Well, this is what happens if Jennifer's Body ever took itself seriously.

Seriously, guys.  Super cereal.

Well, I guess it's not BAD...I mean, it's not GOOD, but it's not BAD either.  Ultimately, so-so.

Nerdy girl is picked on, has an unrequited love of one of her teachers, and is bullied to the point where she's accidentally killed during a prank gone horribly wrong.  She comes back from the dead armed with black, demonic magic and exacts her vengeance, either pushing them to kill themselves or possessing them and having them enact her horrible plans.

INCLUDING enchanting two of her murderers to engage in gay sex for her amusement.

Hey, I thought that part was actually pretty fuckin' entertainin' - they were both "bros," and were askin' for it the entire goddamn movie. :D

SO.  Dig the trailer, yo:




The Woman - Nell meets the Brady Bunch meets every horror thriller evar.

Okay, so this Mitt Romney type with a family more fucked up than the Brady Bunch finds a wild woman in the forest with a bullet hole in her ass.  So he decides to tie her fine, filthy ass up in the basement and ropes his whole family in to the care of her.

Except his daughter is pregnant, by him.  His wife is suffering SEVERELY from beaten spouse syndrome, and he's raising his son to be a serial rapist and woman beater, just like dear old Dad!

Seriously, watching the perfect facade of this family crumble like so much dust...yeah, this shit is psychotic, yet entertaining to watch.




Suffice it to say, the whole movie is fairly intriguing to watch, if anything to see how this fucked up family deals with the wild beast woman.  And the worst part?

I haven't even TOLD you about the most fucked up parts of this movie.  You have GOT to check it out~!

The Signal - Oh man, checking my backlog I seem to be really into horror movies.  The worst part is that it's not like I'm all "HURRDURR FEAR.NET 24/7 DERPDERPDERP," it's just I never realized there was SO MANY horror movies out there I haven't seen!  Like, I used to watch Fear.net on Comcast and such, I mean who hasn't?  But Netflix has...jus SO MANY FUCKING horror movies, both indie and good, b-rated and horrible, all sorts and types.

So, I'll watch, like, three horror movies in a row...then queue up six of them.  Eventually they gotta run out of 'em, right?

Right?

Anyway, The Signal.  T.V.'s, radios, cell phones, smart phones, tablets, anything and everything electronic fucks up the human brain and causes all sorts of fucked up shit to happen, basically plunging civilizatio into pure and utter anarchy overnight.

It's actually a GREAT movie composed of multiple vignettes chronicling a few of the characters who go through this shit...including a wife and her lover attempting to escape a jealously murderous husband (though, to be fair he was both jealous and apparently murderous BEFORE the static-control) at the center of these vignettes.

Either way, the whole thing flows very well, and it's not just your boring "slashy slashy, stabby stabby" but all the myriad ways of executing murder, and the thought processes (both faulty and static-controlled) that lay behind them.

Honestly though, that's bein' too cerbreal 'bout it: it's a movie about people everywhere becoming psychos overnight, and pretty much everyone is crazy.  To me, that's fuckin' FUN right there.

Check it out, dig it, lemme know watcha think:




Slither - OH HOLY HELL THIS MOVIE, THIS FUCKIN' MOVIE MAN.

DID YOU LIKE FEAST?  WELL YOU'LL FUCKIN' LOVE SLITHER!!!!

OH.  OH GOD.  OH GOD THIS MOVIE.  DISGUSTING MONSTER EFFECTS.  AWESOME SPECIAL EFFECTS.  A HORROR MOVIE TO LAST THE AGES~!

I MEAN, LOOK AT THE TRAILER, JUST LOOK!!!!!





OH GOD, I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!

SO!  Have you Ctrl+F'd and typed in "The List?"  Well, here is The List, ready for your perusal:

The Devil's Carnival
God Bless America
Slither
The Signal
The Woman
Tamara

In the next update of Netflix This, I've got a bit more horror for ya, and a movie or two that's more on the lines of action-y and comedy, perhaps even a little...romantic?

...or, if I haven't done an artsy-fartsy artfag post, that'll be the one.  Expect true cinema artistry in the next 'un~!

Sincerely,

~That Bastard

P.S. - I just opened up the Authors Page for my work over at Facebook.  Gimme a like and a shoutout, yeah?  Spread it around to yer friends, let 'em know The Man In Black, That Bastard From Bellingham, Thomas Duder Hisgoddamnself, is slingin' that hot paper.

I got novellas for yer ass, son. More action-adventure then you ever knew you CRAVED~!

Seriously, The Generalist - Taboo 0 is free forever now over at Smashwords, and Taboo 1 is official, up and ready for sale at both Amazon and Smashwords at a buck fifty.

http://www.facebook.com/AuthorOfTheThings

Ya damn straight I am. :D

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